the addict Posted September 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2015 A teacher asks his pupils, "Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?"Little Johnny puts his hand up."One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.""Very good, Johnny," says the teacher. "And the other?""Your mum's a ****." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Marriage is like a pack of cards All you need to start are two hearts and a diamond It's sometimes best finished with a club and a spade though 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) HI, Border Control UK The UK Border Patrol is asking us to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevrolet that they suspect is being used to smuggle illegal immigrants from Calais to Dover, through the Channel Tunnel. If you see the vehicle, similar to that pictured below, and you have reason to believe that it is the suspect vehicle, you are urged to contact the local police. Edited September 23, 2015 by laird387 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 23, 2015 Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hi, 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 24, 2015 Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 24, 2015 Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 A little safety warning as October is on it's way 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 24, 2015 Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 A Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. The pig's ok, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my truck and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out." The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him." Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on". "Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager. "Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch." "You there Boss?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 24, 2015 Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted September 24, 2015 Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 and..... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 Hi, 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 An Instruction from a Scott Trial programme in the 1930's: "Competitors may lift their machines over rough places, but must bounce them on the ground every three paces....." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 28, 2015 Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you seethe sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball overthere. May I have it, please?"The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball,then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.The man says, "What did you do that for?"The golfer replies..."I consider myself a Gentleman, and Ibelieve every prick should have two balls." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 A little Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees the only occupant, a HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down and says: "7 ft. tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, Turner Brown." The little Irishman faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him round, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "Well, I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me............... I 'm 7 ft. tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, ....and my name is Turner Brown." The Irishman says: "Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus.........I thought you said, “Turn around!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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