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Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour


the addict
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither one could hardly see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light!" After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was al...most sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh My Gosh!! Am I driving!!?"

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I've disconnected my home alarm system and un-registered from Neighbourhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the centre. The local police, MI5, MI6, and Secret Service are watching my house 24/7. For FREE. I've never felt safer, and I am saving £49.95 a month

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Blonde in church

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible mis-understanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

Give me an Amen brother!

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Hi,

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next
to him. "No ..... ," he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible ........ !" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest sporting event
of the Rugby World and not use it ...... ?

He says, "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.

This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married."

"Oh . . .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a
friend, or relative, or even a neighbour, to take the seat ...... ?"

The man shakes his head .. .. .,

"No ..... they're all at the funeral........."

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Hi,

This surprise announcement follows Ferrari's decision last month to take advantage of the Australian Government's "work for the dole scheme" and to
hire unemployed Aboriginal youths in their pit crew.

"The decision to hire the youths followed the recent ABC television documentary

showing how Aboriginal youths were able to remove a set of car wheels in less

than six seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's regular pit crew

can only do this in eight seconds with the aid of millions of dollars in high tech

gear. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari were confident the

hiring of the Aboriginal youths would provide a decided advantage over every

other F1 team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for
on Sunday
when, during the

first pit stop, the Aboriginal crew changed all four wheels in under six seconds

but within twelve seconds had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the

McLaren team for ten cases of Toohey's New, an HQ Holden, and a quick look at

Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend in the shower."
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THE TEXT MESSAGE


Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a
confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few
months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to
your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with
myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been
sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact,
probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you've left
for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no
excuse I know. The temptation was just too much....I can no longer
live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies
and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again
Regards, Alan.
THE ACTIONS
Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his
bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice,
killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured
himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone
to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:-
THE REPLY
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door again.
Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you
noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’.
Technology hey?!?
Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.
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hi,

Aeronautical Quiz

They say it is common sense but here is a Clue:

Just remember that a helicopter's blade (in cross-section) is shaped like an airplane’s wing, and both catch air giving lift...

now answer the question...

This should be an easy quiz for those who have even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft. However, the answer may surprise you.

The Question:

“What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over fixed-winged aircraft?"

SEE ANSWER BELOW

post-19290-0-69767600-1427636713_thumb.jpg

Edited by laird387
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