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Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour


the addict
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My mum used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread butter on bread on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting E.coli

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake or at the beach instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

We all took PE... And risked permanent injury with a pair of Dunlop sandshoes instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors that cost as much as a small car. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

We got the cane for doing something wrong at school, they used to call it discipline, yet we all grew up to accept the rules and to honour & respect those older than us.

We had 50 kids in our class and we all learned to read and write, do maths and spell almost all the words needed to write a grammatically correct letter..., FUNNY THAT!

Some schools said prayers irrespective of religion, sang the national anthem and no one got upset.

Staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention we wish we didn’t have.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 20 digital TV stations. Because we weren't!

Oh yeah ... and where was the antibiotics and sterilisation kit when I got that bee sting?

I could have been killed!

We played "King of the Hill" on piles of gravel left on vacant building sites and when we got hurt, mum pulled out a bottle of iodine, and then we got our backside spanked.

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of antibiotics and then mum calls the lawyer to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We never needed to get into group therapy and/or anger management classes. We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Valium!

How did we ever survive?

Regards to all of us who shared this era and to all who didn’t … sorry for what you missed. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

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Just got back from a holiday in Thailand and wow!!! I came really close to shagging a lady boy!!!!! Looked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady, it was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed the car first time into the garage I thought?? “Hang on a ****ing minute”!!!!!

 

 

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Rickets, malnutrition, conscription into the war to end all wars, white feathers if you were a conscientious objector, shot as a coward if you suffered PTSD ....

 

By Jove old chap, I'm afraid that went right over my head.

James googled it on my behalf, but I'm still flabbergasted by my ignorance. Oh well, no harm no foul.

 

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When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

 

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I

decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

 

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.

Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the

time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

 

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was

totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life

became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

 

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with

her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on

anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as

often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but

directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

 

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet

planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious

that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

 

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

 

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Probably been posted before, but made me larf!

Wife comes storming into the kitchen and says to her husband, didn't you hear me falling down the chuffing stairs?

Husband says ........Sorry I thought that was the start of Eastenders!

Edited by gizza5
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A Harley bikie is riding by the zoo in Taronga Park, Sydney, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lions' cage  Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

 

The bikie jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and belts the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.  Whimpering from pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the little girl, and the bikie grabs her and returns her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly.

 

A reporter has watched the whole event.  The reporter, addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, that was the most gallant and bravest thing I've ever seen a man do in my whole life.'

 

The Harley bikie replies, 'It was nothing, really . . . the lion was behind bars . . . I saw this little kid in danger and did what I thought was right.'

 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page.  So, pulling out a pad and a pencil he said, 'What do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

 

The bikie replied, 'I'm an SAS soldier just returned from Afghanistan and a Liberal party supporter.' The journalist leaves.

 

 

 

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

 

 

 

 

“SAS SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”

 

 

 

 

That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!!!

 

 

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