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the addict

Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

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Currently inventing a "smart drawer" that gets your clothes out for you.

Will keep you posted as things unfold. . . .

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I have a new job. I like to get to work early to beat the crowds. Best job ever working with the riot police and on our time off we go out clubbing.

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My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a £5 note.
Our total was £4.25, so I also handed her 25p.
She said, 'You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a pound coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25p, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75p in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.


We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...


I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'


My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'


The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' colleague of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
And she is a government employee.....


When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'Its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....

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Hey have you all been hearing about corduroy pillow cases?

 

No?

 

Weird! They've been making headlines!

--Biff 

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Jimmy Saviles last request for his ashes was to be put into an etch a sketch so that kids can continue to fiddle with his knob.

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