barrybaines Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 This is a bit long but i had the time too read through it and would say it`s worth the effort.... REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies from the cold. THE END -------------------------------------------- THE BRITISH VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's' house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London . In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti - Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home, plus an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly Imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they have tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK . The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted October 5, 2006 Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 Bloody hell barry...in your current state I jope that was a cut and paste job....either that or did you start typing at 9:30 this morning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrybaines Posted October 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2006 nope! copy and paste from email although it is the type of email i`d usually junk, but I have plenty of spare time and bored outta my skull less than a week in! So I apologise now for the next 3 weeks or so of my loitering on here more so than before Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Hi Barry, It'll go by quick enough, have they told you not to go back on the bike for a while??? Remember breaking my ankle playing ice hockey, warned not to go back on the ice for at least two week after the plaster came off.....which muppet went back to training the same night??? which muppet's old man was pi$$ed at the phone call from A&E, yup did it again....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrybaines Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 (edited) can`t open my hand at all never mind use it! lowering it below heart level leads too immense throbbing and pain. Haven`t been given any strict dates as yet but hope too be able too use my hand too perhaps drive from next Friday (my next appt.) I too done the whole jump straight back in thing when I was younger badley broke a bone in my thumb requiring plaster cast up too my elbow but was back up the indoor skate park on a mates BMX ( couldn`t get mine out without getting caught!) the very next day Edited October 6, 2006 by barrybaines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hop blip and a jump Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 you can't help laughing coz it's all true about the wonderful U.K. Goverment!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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