The last few weekends of ridin' have taken their toll on me mentally. Not only have I spent considerable time out on the loops with Ringo and Bagg, but I've had to stop a hunnerd times, removing and putting back on, my 10 year old MSR helmet. Seems EVERY time I get my rythym, something starts buzzin' around, diggin' for any wax filled orfice it can find, causing a panic stop and panic removal of said helmet.

"Geez Sendero, you stopping AGAIN?!?"

"I swear Ringo! There's something living in this helmet! I think I got a Helmet Crab. Possibly Africanized. It's been getting more and more agressive the last few weekends."

"Yea right. You're breathing awful hard for a guy who's supposed to know how to ride. I think you're fakin' with this "Helmet Crab" nonsense.."

"Fakin' my ***! It's in there! It's been in there for the last couple weeks, and I can't find the little *******!"

I swat at the inside of the helmet again, shake it around a little, but as usual... nothing.

"How come the... ahem... "Helmet Crab"... only surfaces on long steep downhills with loose helmet sized rocks?"

"Oh shut up. It's for real man! I'm struggling here!"

"C'mon Sendero. Put the helmet back on and let's go."

"I gotta find this thing and kill it. What if it's a brown recluse? It could bore into my brain. I could get dead. Ever see that Star Trek episode where..."

"C'MON! LET"S GO!!!"

"OK. OK."

Braaaaap. Screech. Slide. Stop.

"Wadaya doin' Sendero. You could have been killed. I almost rear ended ya."

"Damn It's baaack again Oh GOD!!! I can't take it man! This is drivin me nuts! I gotta find this thing and kill it!"

"Yea, I'm hip. It's drivin' all of us nuts, now let's RIDE!!! Besides, once he gets a taste of what you're growin' in your ears, it's gonna die anyway, now let's go."

And so it has gone, for the last few weekends. Finally last weekend I had enough. A quick trip to the local cycle shop was in order.

"Hey Sendero... long time no see. What can I help you with?"

"Take a look in this helmet."

"Uh... Why?"

"Cuz there's something living in it."

"Oh, I see. You got smoked again and this is your new excuse."

"Oh shut it. Ya got something that will find it and kill it?"

"Hey... maybe it's one of your old mullet hairs. How old is that helmet again?"

"Damn. Is that OTHER cycle shop down the street still open?"

"Relax. It's just a Helmet Crab."

"How'd you know?"

"I seen it a thousand times."

"Really..."

"Yea. There's not much you can do. Here. Try one of these new lids right over here."

"Wow. That fits nice. Ya got one without the purple and chrome flames?"

"No."

"OK. I'll take it."

Home I went. I hid the new lid waaaaay back in the van, walked in the house and sat down with a handful of cookies and a glass of chocolate milk, afterwhich I would do my daily thumb exercises in the life sucking chair. During the post-workout nap, the back slider flung open and Spork (my son) and the Spoiler (Mrs. Sendero) came walkin' in...

"Dad Dad Dad! Check out what I got!"

"Whut?"

"I got a new helmet."

"What? You got a new helmet?! You just got a new helmet a couple months ago, for cryin' out loud!" switching my look of death to the Spoiler...

"Don't look at me! He's your son!" said the Spoiler.

"Daaaad. I had a Helmet Crab. You know how it is. I think I got it from you."

I would of thought Ringo would have every crab extermination formula known to man right there in his riding satchel, and a few home brewed high toxicity viles for the realy stubborn critters.

And he calls himself a riding buddy

I never really read books these days. No time. But I could put some time aside if you ever write one Sendero You pop up from time to time and always a good read. I still remember the Duluth Ringo story.

One day I'll meet you, and probably wish I hadn't

Does this mean "Nappysan" is not the answer to my problems??????

I thought the smell in my helmet was bad enough to keep anything except me out of it

Ask the wife

BJDownunder

Cut earholes in the sides of the helmet and duct-tape flashlights to them.

They go towards light.

You'll look cool, too.

Cut earholes in the sides of the helmet and duct-tape flashlights to them.

They go towards light.

You'll look cool, too.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just think charlie if you fell off those lights would make your ears indicators for life, you will look cool.

Nice story sendero