THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he

uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your

Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between

them for a few seconds every day'

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

How long will this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between

my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a

straw.

Stupid, stupid man

It was entertainment night at the old age home.. Claude the hypnotist

exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each

and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique

pocket watch from his coat ' I want you each to keep your eye on this

antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six

generations '.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

"Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light

gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the

swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and

fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces. "SH!T" said the

Hypnotist.

....... It took three days to clean up the old age home.