Man Test

*1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a

qu--r. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have

spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the

Oprah diet... Fa-.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it

grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch

except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about

how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here,

Killer!' Now think** **about how you call a cat....'Bun-bun, come to daddy,

snookums!' Jeeez you're so q----r!

**

**3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ

ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet and tits.

Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a f---- ho----!

4. **If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or p*** in a parking

lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet;

he defecates and urinates where he pleases.**

**5. **If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as

Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy

Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there

too.

**

**6. **If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four

different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as

well be handing out free a-- passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in

his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse

you're g-y. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or

denim, you are a pe--r puffer.**

**7. **If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to

tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a

slow-a--ed driver or to cut the pr--k off. The rest of the time he needs

that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or drink his beer.**

Cannot post the rest!

I am trying to stay out of trouble!(really)!

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