copemech Posted August 7, 2009 Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 *1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a qu--r. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... Fa-. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think** **about how you call a cat....'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so q----r! ** **3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet and tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a f---- ho----! 4. **If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or p*** in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.** **5. **If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. ** **6. **If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free a-- passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're g-y. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a pe--r puffer.** **7. **If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-a--ed driver or to cut the pr--k off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or drink his beer.** Cannot post the rest! I am trying to stay out of trouble!(really)! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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