Very Good Explanition!

[copemech]

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

[pa.]

Subject: Fw: Why men should write advice columns ...

Dear Terry,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my

husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn't driven more than a mile

down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a

halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with

the neighbour's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the

neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been

having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I

would leave him. He was made redundant six months ago and he says he

has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has

become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid

I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a

variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is

fuel and no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum

pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding

wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be

that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to

the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Terry

[slapshot 3]

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Go on Copey.....I dare ya to try that one at home...

Edited April 16, 2009 by Slapshot 3

[ham2]

Cheers boys..that 2nd one was like the old joke about the guy being dedicated to his bike and the missus gave him an ultimatum...anyone remember it?

[copemech]

A married couple are sitting in the office of a marriage counselor.

Neither the husband nor the wife has said a word since entering the

office...

The counselor, wanting to start the session, says, "Tell me something

that both of you have in common."

There's silence for a few seconds until the husband finally says,

"Well, neither one of us sucks."

[steveo]

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby

came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see

the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk

with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him

that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears

or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when

they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood

completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby. The

beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and

really beautiful eyes".

"Can he see?" Johnnie asked. "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so

thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

That's great" said Little Johnnie,"cuz he'd be fu%ked if he needed

glasses".