A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life.
My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved." "That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"That's unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success.
Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just two, said the golfer, "I have trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection, I get a headache."
... one of our riders, James Ford, has been at the Pre TT at the Billown circuit at the Isle of Man where he rode one of our Yamaha FZ600s to a brilliant 7th place against pukka Yamaha TZ race bikes in the Geoff Duke Race and a superb 5th place on the ex Ray Stringer MEDD Kawasaki 750 in the 4hire post classic senior race.
I have always believed the idea of trials was to keep making forward progress, if the front wheel spindle stopped moving forwards before it reached the section ends marker it was a five, didn't matter if the wheel was locked up, the forward motion of the spindle and therefore the bike was the issue..... bit like me, fairly simple really.
Reminds me of this...... a stop is a bloody stop.....
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense!
Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye havte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration,please!"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living **** out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow down? "
We experimented with a polished and a rough finished engine on an old Suzuki race bike and found the polished engine ran warmer due to the lack of small peaks on the surface.
It wasn't a lot but the temperature increase lost us half a horsepower after 15 minutes. (which was enough on a 26 hp two stroke tiddler), on the 'rough' finished motor it went for another 5 minutes before it reached the temperature where the power dropped off. We found the roughness acted like mini fins and dissipated the heat..... and we didn't have to keep polishing it..... ;>)
I was in a similar situation to this and I got the bike MOTd and taxed it in 2013. Never heard anything more even though the bike should have been SORNd for about 10 years from 2002.
I get repeated problems with the DVLA because I have vehicles that are intermittently sorned / taxed but continually insured for road use.
I would advise anyone who has problems with DVLA incompetence to write to their MP. Public servants do not like having to respond to MPs enquiries and it causes quite a bit of nuisance for them.
I don't think they're public servants any more, wasn't the DVLA privatised a few years back..... ??? Profit needs to be made now........
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
And on another note ...
there is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
A friend of mine also declared SORN on a bike three years ago and has had a similar letter, he suspects an attempt to extract 'back tax' from those who can't prove they SORN'd at a previous date....
.... be aware the DVLA are sending out letters stating that their records show a vehicle registered to you hasn't had SORN declared on it. I've had two of these letters relating to bikes not used on the road and purchased by me in 2013 and 2014.
My wife keeps all the letters, receipts and emails on file relating to my bikes and other vehicles including DVLA correspondence and I can prove my vehicles are 'SORN'd'.
Be very wary of disposing of any letters or emails from DVLA as it looks like they're trying to hit you for the back tax or fining you for not signing log books over.
Hmmmmm, three and four years ago these two bikes were bought and SORN was immediately declared, funny they didn't contact me immediately about it but waited until I might have disposed of any proof that SORN had been declared.....
The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather
dignified well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early
fifties...
"May I help you sir?" she asked..
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
Prefer someone else", said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 A visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds And gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, As she was so expensive. There were no discounts.. The price was still £5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was
Astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been
With me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh .."
"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I
Was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person..."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain------
Thought for the day. If you vote for Jeremy Corbin of the labour party, You will be voting for a person that made a conscious decision to shag Diane Abbot.
Spark plug weired reading
in General Trials Talk
Posted
A lot of modern fuels give strange plug readings.....