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the addict

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  1. carb is currently in bits, soaking it in carb cleaner overnight...

    Lets see if that cures it. couldn't see any crap in there though..

     

    A tiny spec of dirt in the wrong place will be a problem, you need to remove the jets and blow them through with an air line its the only way.

  2. This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
    He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.
    "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
    And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
    She hears a voice over the radio saying:...
    "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
    'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
    She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
    "O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me........Our Father who art in Heaven........."

    • Like 2
  3. A Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
    Here is your first question, the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
    "Without numbers?" the man says, "Dats easy."
    And proceeds to draw three trees.
    "What's this?" the boss asks....
    "Tree and tree, plus tree makes 9" says the man.
    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
    The man stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."
    The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
    "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."
    The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire the guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
    The man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."
    The boss looks at the attempt and says, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
    The man leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree...so now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred!"

    • Like 3
  4. Sorry if I've posted this one before but its worth a repost lol

     

    Last weekend I saw something at The Army Disposal Shop that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Suzann. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
    The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
    AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Suzann what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Nigella looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
    I must admit I thought about zapping Nigella (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
    Am I wrong?
    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
    The directions said that:
    a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
    a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
    a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
    Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
    I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
    I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
    I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the lounge, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
    Note:
    If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
    one note of caution:
    There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
    A three second burst would be considered conservative!
    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
    · My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.
    · The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
    · My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
    · My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
    · I had no control over the drooling.
    · Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
    · I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
    I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
    PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

    • Like 1
  5. I've swapped my 07 for a 14 and the engine is more free reving, the suspension is possibly not as good as the 07 but as a new bike it feels really good. The tank is smaller which can be a problem at Nationals and I've noticed no difference in the claimed engine braking from the 07. The only mods I've done on mine are swapping the footpeg hangers and footpegs as I tend to clang about on the rocks fairish and I've swapped/junked the flame guard and air filter for a Jitsie filter. I'd of been happy to keep my 07 to be honest but you cant beat a new bike, there seems to be little difference really in my view the big leap seems to be with the 2016rr if we ever see one being sold in the UK?

    • Like 2
  6. Santa brought me a set of the 4rt Jitsie footpeg hangers yesterday which I'm using in conjunction with the S3 HardRock footpegs which I bought from BVM Moto recently. I measured the standard brackets against the Jitsie ones and there seemed to be approximately 20mm of offset towards the rear of the bike which I was well happy with. The hangers look really strong and well made and there was a noticeable increase in grip whilst riding in very muddy conditions today probably because they are set so much further back. The only problem I had when fitting were the pegs needed some filing down so they would sit level on the hangers, without filing they pointed upwards quite a lot and pointed back, but this was only a five minute job so overall I'm very pleased with the set up now. I used to fit Raptor pegs and hangers on my Beta's and last Mont but I have seen quite a few broken frames as the Raptors are so strong its easier to break the frame than the pegs or hangers and considering I'm far from a tidy rider I'm hoping this combination will have some degree of give to bend or break.

     

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    • Like 3
  7. Would it still be just as easy to throw the bike around compared to a sherco as an example. The breaks are very good on them as well as the suspenesion this should hopfully make it easier. I thought the extra weight would help give it a better grip. But does the new mapping on the montesa cota 2016 make it easier to adjust 

     

    The Mont is heavy and feels/is big. You will never throw it about like a Sherco or Beta and in most cases you need to muscle the bike to do what you want it to some degree. I've no idea on mapping as I've never had that option, as clever as the team are in the electronics department at Honda they will never make something as clever as the mass between your ears for learning.

    • Like 1
  8. I have heard the montesa 4rt only has one problem finding grip. Is the new montesa 4rt any better at this because of the new mapping. At a local trials they said the grip was unbelieveable on the 2016 montesa 4rt cota. I was told by my local dealer the montesa 4rt arent good at climbing up muddy grassy mounds.

    The only other thing that is putting me of buying a montesa is the weight. I mean is it still easy to bouce it around.

    I know their is a lot of things you can do to improve your grip. But is it necessary with the new models and is the repsol worth the extra money over the standard cota. I have tried the cota and it was great.

    Many thanks

     

    The 4rt doesn't have an issue with grip, some riders do.

    • Like 5
  9. Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care ...with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
    Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's a*** and a car hit me.
    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
    Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

    • Like 5
  10. A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin & they are both waiters at a Chinese restaurant. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69". More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... "You wanna ... Garlic Shicken with corrifrowa?"

    • Like 2
 
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