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the addict

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Everything posted by the addict

  1. I've always enjoyed the Dave Roland - Northern Experts and the Jack Wood, Hipwell trial was always fun although I've not done it for a number of years now, heard it's still good though.
  2. Evening all. I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled .....so I told her to f$£k off.
  3. Managed to get around to fitting the bashplate yesterday, and it was without any doubt the easiest fitment I've done on a trials bike. Hand tightened the two front bolts home, pushed the back of the plate up by hand and fitted the two end bolts, couldn't of been easier.
  4. I'm sure it's all lined up perfectly, not so sure about my frame though. Got new pads as I suspect my old ones are well squashed
  5. This arrived today, well impressed, thanks to Mark from H&D Racing, not looking forward to fitting it though, ratchet straps and hair pulling later
  6. I bought much longer bolts for my bike. Being longer you can reach the holes easier, start to tighten the bolts up so the plate gets close to the correct position, then undo one bolt at a time and refit the original shorter bolts to tighten up.
  7. A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant.He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup.As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries – one for him, one for her, until each had an even number.Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap.The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn't have to split theirs. The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50." The young man asked the old woman if she was going to eat. "Later," she replied. "It's his turn with the teeth.
  8. I've recently bought this Carbon Jitsie helmet, very impressed so far, comfortable and very light, almost feels like there's nothing on your head.
  9. It's this Ebay seller, I've just looked but he's not got any for sale at the mo, so might be worth emailing him. http://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/baja0_2/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_ipg=&_from=
  10. These look really good,
  11. Out with the lads from OCD Anonymous tonight. Things aren't going to get messy
  12. Had to take the dog to the vets this morning after he ate the Christmas tree lights, when the vet looked at him and said he would be alright his little face lit up
  13. Gizza told me this one. God created Adam and said, "I have given you everything you could ever want. Is there anything else you would like?" Adam replied, "I would like a sandwich," to which God then created Eve.
  14. 40 Scousers arrive at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter consults with God and says to them, "We've only got room for 12 of you so you'll have to decide amongst yourselves who comes into the house of the lord." 5 minutes later St.Peter says to God, "I don't believe it, they've gone!" God says, "What, all 40 of them?" St.Peter says, "No, the ****ing gates!"
  15. Runs without the fuel pump? bloody clever them Japs
  16. Paddy set Murphy up on a blind date. Paddy says "she's a lovely girl but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby". Next day Paddy asked Murphy how he went on. "Alright" said Murphy, "apart from she was an hour late and I felt a right **** sat at the end of the bar in just a nappy"
  17. Woman weightlifter goes to the doctor and says“I’ve been taking steroids, and now I’ve grown a c0ck” “Anabolic” says the doctor “No” she replies “Just a c0ck
  18. I asked my friend, "What part of America is your wife from?" He said, "Alaska" I said, "I thought you'd know"...
  19. When I was in the Pub last night. I overheard a couple of Dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on a Aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman..! What a pair of Sexist Twats. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to Reverse the ****ing thing, is it..???
  20. A man & wife are in bed. He farts & shouts ''Goal.'' His wife farts & shouts ''One all.'' When the score gets to two all,the man strains so hard he ****s the bed. His wife says ''What the hell was that?'' ''Half time - swap sides
  21. Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the Doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little Angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the Doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him Pancakes. Pancakes are the new wonder food for small penises. That should solve the problem." The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a rather large stack of warm Pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "All for Me" ..??? "Just take Two," Brenda replied. "The Rest are for your Father."
  22. I see Viagra have a new product line,..... eye drops,.... won't give you an erection, but it makes you look hard.
  23. I visited a new themed restaurant last night called Hot Chocolate, after the Seventies pop group. The menu was amazing, "It started with a quiche".
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