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My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the p*** out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight. I've got a good bottle of wine in the fridge and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
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That one usually works 99% of the time.
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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?" Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives the...m a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting.... "Dopey f****d a penguin! Dopey f****d a penguin!!.
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I'm staggered you got it to start with it in?
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I asked my wife, "Do you think your mother would prefer Riverdance or something more Fred Astaireish ? "She replied, "I think she'd prefer it if you stayed off her grave all together, you sick *******!!!!!
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lol, I've pinched that for elsewhere, ha
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If the shed's sat on the ground put 4 inch by 4 inch timber bearer's under it to lift it. My shed is insulated with 4 inch loft lagging which I trapped with 9mm plywood.
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You've bought a 4rt, sell the spanners and sockets on Ebay asap they'll only gather dust.
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Did mine with Bennetts no problem, sometimes you need to call to insure and not rely on an antiquated website. 70 quid for an old un tpft.
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I've always thought I looked a bit like George Clooney so wasn't surprised when this lady came up to me the other day and said... Is that really you George ? I thought I would play along so I said Yep honey it sure is. She said...I thought so, how is Mildred!!..
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That's bollox, I've been using the Jitsie filter for 8 years now without the flame guard and I'd like to know how it would get past the throttle body if ever it did suck through?
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Its definitely a push rather than a kick as said above, I expect they could be started by hand but I've not tried.
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Baz was in the pub having a beer with his mates and he said: My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night, I explained to her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed and We had great sex ...... Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before..
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My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I invade her privacy too often. At least that what it says in her diary.
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Schizophrenia - together I can beat it
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Some ****er is spreading rumours on facebook that I'm a schizophrenic. Well, 3 can play at that game!
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And that your honour is the evidence for the defence, we rest our case.
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They are buses but in my view they are the most fun trials bikes you could wish to own. Maintenance is simple, everything is put together really well and they run exactly the same every day of the year no matter what the temperature or atmospheric conditions are.
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A female bodybuilder goes to the doctor and says "doctor, ive taken so many steroids I've grown a penis" Doctor asks "anabolic"? Lady says "no,, just a penis"
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