the_oil_baron Posted April 14, 2015 Report Share Posted April 14, 2015 Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a 'man about town 'so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.Pedro was a poor working man and would not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack.When Pedro was undressing Maria said, 'Oh Pedro, what is that?'Pedro, being very quick thinking, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these. ‘And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Maria was happy.The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something. 'Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too.'Thinking fast, Pedro said, 'Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those.' Marie being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.Pedro went off to work the next morning; and, when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.Pedro said, 'Maria, what is the matter now?' 'Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one' 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted April 14, 2015 Report Share Posted April 14, 2015 Scientists have revealed that sperm helps hair grow, which has got me wondering about my nan's moustache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted April 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2015 My wife just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive...Apparently the response of,"Dont worry babe,your tits cover it" wasn't the answer she was looking for! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted April 15, 2015 Report Share Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) Edited April 15, 2015 by pa. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted April 15, 2015 Report Share Posted April 15, 2015 Why did the wife cross the road? To get to the first f***in clothes shop we visited two f***in hours ago. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted April 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2015 just been watching the ladies beach volleyball today,and there has already been a bad wrist injury...The doctor says i should be ok by the morning though! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted April 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2015 Based on statistics,the most common sexual position amongst married couples,is doggy style...This is where the husband sits and begs,while the wife rolls over and plays dead!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted April 17, 2015 Report Share Posted April 17, 2015 Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Eastern religious fanatic (cant say Muslim) and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it."I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.The "religious fanatic" was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land."POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.The Biker says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out: it's virtually impenetrable."The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says,"Fill it with water." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_oil_baron Posted April 17, 2015 Report Share Posted April 17, 2015 Came home last night, found a note on the fridge from my wife. It said "It's not working any more, I'm going home to mum" I opened the fridge.... light's working.... beers still cold.......... dont know what she's on about... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted April 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2015 I can't believe how strong the Winds were last night. I nipped out to get my wife some milk and got blown into the ****ing pub. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted April 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2015 One for the oil baron A Muslim has been caught Shagging a sheep in Wales . When questioned he said it was islamb and could do what he ****ing liked... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted April 18, 2015 Report Share Posted April 18, 2015 I like to paint too! http://spikey.com/29-military-body-paint-babes-who-will-make-you-salute/ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzuki250 Posted April 18, 2015 Report Share Posted April 18, 2015 (edited) I like to paint too! http://spikey.com/29-military-body-paint-babes-who-will-make-you-salute/ What happens if they get a medal? Ouch! Edited April 18, 2015 by suzuki250 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_earle Posted April 18, 2015 Report Share Posted April 18, 2015 What happens if they get a medal? Ouch! Stay still dear you might feel a little prick.................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guys Posted April 19, 2015 Report Share Posted April 19, 2015 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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