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About spen

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  1. A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump. Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him. He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!" A shot rang out and Trump fell dead. As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse" 'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"
  2. Yep.
  3. These are a good place to start....
  4. Had a chap with a Beta with a carb' problem..... screaming it's nuts off, it turned out he'd not seated the cable properly in the carb' cap. Tapped it with a screwdriver, it dropped into place and sorted.....
  5. I asked my wife if she fancied changing positions, so she laid on the settee farting and I stood at the ironing board.....
  6. Thief gets sorted.....
  7. Slow start but worth watching.......
  8. Sidecars allowed???
  10. It's still on the DVLA database....... Vehicle make: OSSA Date of first registration: April 1970 Cylinder capacity (cc): 250 cc COâ‚‚Emissions: Not available Fuel type: PETROL Export marker: No Vehicle status: Tax not due Vehicle colour: NOT STATED Vehicle type approval: Not available Wheelplan: 2 WHEEL Revenue weight: Not available Tax rates:
  11. I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there........
  12. Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. The response (that came weeks later out of the blue) Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: Ithoughtyouloved me.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In- Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.
  13. 07800 778048