Anything goes

Clicky Like the old gag What is the world's most reliable contraceptive.... Wedding Cake

These guys are so innovative!

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The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, " For the sake of decency, here's 50 Pounds. Go and buy yourself some underwear." Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I…

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*ucking bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f*cking beak to the bar you irritating b*stard of a f*cking bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any bread?

A young guy is digging a hole in his garden when he comes upon a lamp, He rubs the lamp & out pops a Genie "I am a special Genie & can grant you only one wish, but it can be a big wish" The guy thinks for a while, "My brother has moved to the US, & I don't like flying & am scared of sailing, but would like to see him more often, could you build me a road bridge over the Atlantic so I can drive over" The Genie stands aghast! "I know I said you could wish for somthing big, but thats impossible, is'nt there anything else you would like to wish for?" The guy rubs his chin & has another think, "well there is one thing, could you make it so that I know w…

Now I dont know if this seller intended this to happen or if he really didn't realise what he had done - either way, its a laugh. Take a very close look................ http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/cheap-bike-for-sale_...70QQihZ018QQcat look closer...................a bit closer....................in the doorway!

A bus pulled up at a Bus Stop and 2 Italian men get on, they sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma comes-a first. Den I come. Den come in-a-ass and come in-a-ass again. Den I come once-a-more. Den come in-a-ass and come in-a-ass again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come-a one last-a time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives" "Hey, cool-a down lady," said the man. "Who's ada talkin' about-a sex…

I've just got a new CD player for my car, and it plays MP3 CD's. How do i make an MP3 CD? Is there any software I need to do it? Or can it be done in media player or nero? I'm not very good with technology, just seemed good to be able to get over 10 albums on 1 CD! Thanks, simon

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I was saddened to hear of the death of the 60's musical genius, Arthur Lee. Love's album forever changes ranks up there in the top 50 best albums of all time and the influence the band has is far reaching. I was lucky enough to see Arthur Lee and Love in concert a few years ago and they were awesome.

The Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet" "Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee". So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. "Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. "Eees a bacon tree". "Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't for…

I am not normally one for things like this, but for whatever reason, this one hit's home for me. Could some of you guys scattered around the world, take a little time, and a little postage money and send this girl a post card? Thanks. http://www.tractorbynet.com/forums/showthread.php?t=84916

It was good to see Ivan Pridham & Wife under a Talon umbrella watching Dougie, Ivan was good rider in his day I don't know if he's still riding, I beleive he won the Greybeards once!

For all you on line game experts try this one......reckon its tougher than most. here Good luck Martin

How come I can't resist this stuff. Here's a correspondence I'm having about a bike I have for sale. Start from the bottom. Hello Charlie, Thanks for getting back to me on time...i will like to tell you that i try calling the client and he told me your check will be issued as soon as possible..Tou will be recieving a check of $10000 and you will forward the remaining fund to the shipper who will be coming for the pickup at your location i will be waiting to read from you as soon as possible..Thanks Regards, Kelvin Charlie wrote: The cost of the bike is $6500. From: kelvin william [mailto:kelvinwilliam_10@yahoo.ca] To: Charlie Subject: URGENT RESPONSE NEE…

Another E-Bay anomaly? Not sure if there is any deceit involved here but have a look at this Montesa '03 with '98 forks and front brake then a 2002 mudguard thrown in for confusion?!! Then have a look at the price..I admire their optimism. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/montesa-cota-315-tri...1QQcmdZViewItem[/url]

Okay, so I've been out in the Middle East this week. Pretty hectic week, but I'd everything planned so a nice early flight back from Cairo today would see me home around 3pm in time to wind down for the weekend and get the tons of stuff I've got to get sorted for Hawkstone next weekend done. Flight was at 8:30 to Heathrow then on to Edinburgh. At 7:20 I attempted to check in at Cairo Airport with my friends at British Airways only to be told "gate closed". Huh? 1 hour 10 minutes before the flight? What's that all about? No amount of pleading, begging, threatening, arguing did any good (I wasn't alone - there were a few folk in the same position) so it was onto the phone …

Come to Texas to cool down a bit, only 42c here and will remain nice untill mid September! ps- we do NOT use Lucas beer coolers, for a reason!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a Beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see i…