ishy Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) After reading Shirty's SSDT and Beta UK guide for SSDT preparation I thought I would add the over 50's ibruprofen guide to the SSDT. First off your not going to win, so stop dreaming thi old git we can watch the young tykes do that as were catching our wind after each group. Don't ever get off your bike if you can see both start and end cards, once you have walked to the top and back down again you'll not have the energy to start the bugger. Make sure you wear braces to keep thi breeches up, no bugger spectating wants to see an hairy old plumbers crack hanging over the back fender of a trials bike, it just turns them off trials. Pack chapstick and vaseline, chapstick will keep your lips from cracking and vaseline your ass, you can use chapstick for both jobs, but do your lips first, and it's always a good laugh if you use it for both, then lend your mates it on the moor. Pack six pairs of your oldest undies, then toss them in the bin after each day, the mud stains from the day will never come out and it gives the hotel staff something to think about when they see a pair of them in the bin every morning. Take the Ibuprofen before you start, it's too late at the end of the day. They always say make sure you catch the scenery, do it Monday, after that you can't lift your head enough to see bugger all. Dont waste time stopping your bike to pee, just smile and keep riding, it's only water and your riding in it all week. If your riding buddy is having bike problems, bugger off and leave them, the'll sort it out. Clip your toe nails or they will poke holes in your socks, and don't leave the clippings on the counter at the lunch stop, it tends to upset a few folk. Don't kid yourself when you see the young lasses giving you the eye, they are just wondering if you will die before you reach the top of town hall brae. Bike prep, if you don't thrash the crap out of it, the less chance you will have to mend it, push it, or walk off the moor. If you reach a bit of moor your not sure about, just stop and wait a sec, some young pillock on full chat will soon show you the soft spots. Use your age to your best advantage, if you are having an hemeroid popping paddle up a long burn section that applies to both ass and section, make sure you let the observer know you are in pain, they may just give you the benifit of doubt on the three. If your left hand side starts feeling a bit numb stop and have a fag, it thins the blood a bit and you may avoid a full blown stroker. Don't do anything dumb and try get up summat you never could, again thats the kids job, old lads get round the SSDT by thinking about it, you can't put an old head on young shoulders, and you should have more sense than ride this, about mid day Tuesday you will be thinking the same thought. Plenty more tips I just can't remember them anymore, I keep adding em when I think of one. Have a good un. Edited April 27, 2010 by ishy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highland lassie Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricky dicky Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 I best watch out if theres some old bugger behind me with vaseline, that doesnt sound like a fun week!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chewy Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 Nice to see somebody else getting ready ....sound words of wisdom;... ibrubufen,tonic water & rehydrant powders add that little extra to your drugs regime there's many a true word spoken in jest ,I once came upon an older guy a geordie..George ;... going across the moonscape to Fersit, stopped asked if he ok he said he always stopped for a rest there as he'd had a heart attack and had to pace himself! Bracers are of course also usefull for towing dual purpose acessories save weight another example of this was to mount your bulb horn in such a way as be usefull as an onboard ashtray. With modern aircooled bikes it's only a matter of time before someone devises aircon runnimg off the fan, I suppose it's a bit late in the day for all these tecnical tips. As a regular observer nowadays it may be a good idea for those guys who know they aint gonna win to have a pink number board so that we can be sure they arn't trying. Ah well tempus fugit ..remember we'll all have a better time with a a little bit of good humour..see thee there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 HL, you NEED to get that in the programme some year .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baldilocks Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) Nice to see somebody else getting ready ....sound words of wisdom;... ibrubufen,tonic water & rehydrant powders add that little extra to your drugs regime there's many a true word spoken in jest ,I once came upon an older guy a geordie..George ;... going across the moonscape to Fersit, stopped asked if he ok he said he always stopped for a rest there as he'd had a heart attack and had to pace himself! Bracers are of course also usefull for towing dual purpose acessories save weight another example of this was to mount your bulb horn in such a way as be usefull as an onboard ashtray. With modern aircooled bikes it's only a matter of time before someone devises aircon runnimg off the fan, I suppose it's a bit late in the day for all these tecnical tips. As a regular observer nowadays it may be a good idea for those guys who know they aint gonna win to have a pink number board so that we can be sure they arn't trying. Ah well tempus fugit ..remember we'll all have a better time with a a little bit of good humour..see thee there thats George Shorter your referring to now a regular observer at NE centre trials top fella. He had a heart attack in the 84 ssdt I think near blackwater but did his last ssdt in 89 or 90. Edited April 27, 2010 by Baldilocks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timp Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 Well Ishy, we may be going round near each other and are both members of the over 50s club but no way will I borrow your chapstick Looks like its going to be an amusing week!! See you Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ishy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 Well Ishy, we may be going round near each other and are both members of the over 50s club but no way will I borrow your chapstick Looks like its going to be an amusing week!! See you Sunday. Aye me mate blobbed, wain't take me long to catch you old buggers up, tha's nubut a few in front of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timp Posted April 27, 2010 Report Share Posted April 27, 2010 If you don't catch me youve broken down!!!. I take the scenic route and go round all the boggy bits on the moors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 That is funny, seriously funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ishy Posted April 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Reet I'm out the door, see you all there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillary Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Absolutely superb Ishy, wish I could write like that, instead you have to put up with my humourless stuff week after week! Trouble is, he's absolutely dead right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ishy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2010 Well got the first part of the trip out of the way, at our lad's house in sunny Silsden, just going to have some bangers for lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted April 29, 2010 Report Share Posted April 29, 2010 See you when you get here. PS It's been raining today. Fine now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ishy Posted May 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2010 (edited) Eee it wer bloody luvly today, I figured out how to ride this red bike, took mi ibroprophen this morning and got another three out of the bottle to take at the lunch stop, what I was thinking I don't know but I took them too, doaped up or what, rode a lot better though. lost my tool bag at the last group of sections yesterday, big John had it on my bike at the start this morning. Four down two to go, bike running spot on, get to watch Cabby ride some of the sections,, he usualy catches me up by the second or third group of the day, no bugger can get close to passing me on the road though. Road race day tomorrow I should get round in good time, moors are running dry, seem to be more to do though. Ishy. Edited May 6, 2010 by ishy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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