the addict

why?

Thanks Pete

dad with his little girl in the garden, `is that a mummy longlegs underneath that daddy longlegs?` dad says `no sweetie there are no mummy longlegs,only daddy longlegs` dad felt very proud of her inquisitive young mind until she stamps on em both saying. `we`ll have none of that gay **** in our ****ing garden`

2 DWARFS Two dwarfs pulled two girls in a pub and take them back to their flat, after they paired off and went to bed the first dwarf could'nt get it up , to make it worse all night all he could here was second dwarf saying " 1, 2, 3, here I come again uuh!! ", Next morning 1st dwarf say's "How embarrassing, I could'nt get an erection", second dwarf say's "You think thats bad,I could'nt even get on the ****ing bed!!!"....

FOR SALE. Complete set of encyclopedias, 45 volumes. Excellent condition

When this bloke asked me if i preffered legs, thighs or breasts, i told him that i had a fondness for shaved fannies. He then told me that this wasnt an option with the KFC Bargin Bucket.......

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle she was very attracted to his lean and muscular physique, One day she asked him "What do you do for sex Tarzan ?", Tarzan replied "Jane, I use hole in tree trunk", with this Jane said " Tarzan I will show you the proper way to have sex", she then took off all her clothes and lay down on the ground "Come on Tarzan, put your willy in here", as she pointed to her fanny, so Tarzan stripped off his loin cloth and approached Jane nervously, with an almighty kick he kicked her right in the ****... after a few minutes of rolling about in agony Jane painfully muttered "What the **** did you do that for?".. Tarzan replied "Just checking for bee's"....

Little Indian boy get's home after playing with his friend Running water......Dad why do we have funny name's like sitting Buffalo,rising sun and new moon. Well son it is Indian tradition when your mother was giving birth to you in the wood's whatever she see's or hear's is the name that you will be given,now do you have anymore questions 2 dogs ****ing.....

chatting to a bird last night in the local,so i says whats your name then??? carmen she says cos i like cars & men..whats your name she says to me?? charlie beerfanny

Young Bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself mmmm I bet her daughter is hot. When out of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsmans double. Whats that? he asks, Its a mother and daughter 3 some she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts hall light on and shouts....... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Mother!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman sets her fanny on fire by accident, her husband tells her to stand on the balcony for the wind to blow it out, but she slipped & fell. Paddy & Murphy were stood below. Paddy says to Murphy, is that a comet? Murphy says, don't be stupid, its a twatalite!!

A lttle boy asks his dad "where does poo come from dad?" His day explains "well son, food passes down the Osophagus by peristalsis. It enters into the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This extracts the protein before waste product enter the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it then enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo". "Blimey" says the little lad. "so where does Tigger come from then?".

Wife gets naked and asks her hubby "what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?", hubby looks her up and down and replies: "your ****ing sense of humour!"......

Dustman calls to collect a Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where

PJ1 filter spray (the B*****ks) and PJ1 spray filter oil

The latest club craze is to fill a woman's fanny with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters! 85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by the 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your fanny before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"

Irelands worst plane disaster struck today when a two seater plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish rescue workers have recovered 828 bodies.Digging continues.

Ah Slapshot, go on then, Big John finds himself in terrible trouble. His business has gone into liquidation and he's in serious financial problems and the bailiffs are coming soon to repossess his bike collection. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost all my money and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too and all my Bultaco's. Please,please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night comes and Someone else wins... Big John prays again. "God, please for Christ sake let me win the lottery! they,re gonna take me Bults and I cant pay any of the bills,please please let me win the lottery tonight. Lottery night again! Still no luck... Big John prays again. God, for ****s sake have mercy, please please let me win the lottery tonight its my only hope, Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!" Suddenly there is a blinding flash of lightening as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders: "Big John, meet me half way.......... .............. .............. ......... ....... ....... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ..... ..... .... .... ... .. .. "Buy a ****ing Ticket"

I've just been to my first muslim birthday party. Musical chairs was a bit slow but F**k me, pass the parcel was bloody quick.

Bloke goes to the doctor

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks badly. So, he goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a rooster that they would sell. The other farmer says, 'Yes, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you've got, no problem.' Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the Farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. 'I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' the farmer said, with a chuckle. Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the night. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with Buzzards circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.' Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky above and says, 'Shut it, you're scarin the fanny away.

Be a first that Mark Did'nt ride it just wanted to see the full results as alot of mates riding it

Anyone know if theyre online anywhere? or can someone email me them Ta