houseape1000 Posted March 12, 2011 Report Share Posted March 12, 2011 Last Friday I got absolutely hammered, finally woke up next to some fat, sweaty bird who kept farting, I just lay there thinking....At least I made it home ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joekarter Posted March 12, 2011 Report Share Posted March 12, 2011 Old man Bob was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted March 12, 2011 Report Share Posted March 12, 2011 Last Friday I got absolutely hammered, finally woke up next to some fat, sweaty bird who kept farting, I just lay there thinking....At least I made it home ! Hmm,are you trying to tell me my wife's having an affair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hmm,are you trying to tell me my wife's having an affair? No, but you got any piccies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted March 15, 2011 Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 Glasgow Rangers are looking to sign some new players to help them next season, so they send chief scouts to Afghanistan to search for some new talent. Sure enough the scout finds an outstanding 18 year old striker and immediately signs him on a 3 year deal. On getting back to Scotland, the manager takes one look at him in training and puts him straight in the 1st team to play Celtic. The new lad is fantastic , he scores a hat trick and creates two more as Rangers win 5 - 0 . Ecstatic after the game the young lad phones his mum to tell her the good news . "Mum , I've just made my debut and had a great game . The team loves me , the fans love me even the press love me . Life is great" "Well" says his mum, "I'm glad life is great for you . Shall I tell you what happened to us today? Your Dad's been murdered in the street , your sister and I were raped and beaten in broad daylight and your brother's joined a vicious gang of killers" "Mum , I don't know what to say , I'm so so sorry" "Sorry , you're ******* sorry it's your ******* fault we moved to Glasgow in the 1st place!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 I recently opened a cafe in Japan, business started off a bit shaky, but customers are starting to drift in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Arthur is 81 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 16 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it" he tells his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she makes a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother is 93 years old. He can't help." "He may be a ninety three" says the wife "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight." "Where did it go?" asks Arthur. "Can't remember." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Turbo Blow Off Simulator For Retard Posers Read the above article and then watch the film. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 SNAKES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 You missed out: The Health a Safety Executive's risk-assessment directive for all personnel to wear combined shin and knee armour ...which.. unfortunately, clashes with the MOD European Court directive which forbids the use of such armour as it infringes the snakes' right-to-bite It's a lawyers world...I'm jealous of them ,I wish I could get paid for talking sheee-ite...I'd be minted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 Muslim tv Saw this and thought of you lot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigfoot Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Far be it for me to moderate a moderator but I see no place on here for islamaphobia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Far be it for me to moderate a moderator but I see no place on here for islamaphobia. Bloody funny, I hope Slappers didn't send it from work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Tip-top Donald ..I've copied and pasted 'cos I don't think it'll be on here much longer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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