January 15, 201115 yr A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my stockings." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
January 16, 201115 yr Author A nursery teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" .A little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher replies, "Sorry Jane, but the sky can also be grey, or red." A little boy says, "Trees are definitely green." "Sorry" interrupts the teacher, "But in the Autumn, the trees are brown." Little Billy from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says, "Billy! of course not!!!" "Okay then I definitely **** my pants."
January 17, 201115 yr Even though you don't want to,you have to look closer to see the trick of the light
January 20, 201115 yr I was on a train earlier sitting opposite a gorgeous Thai lady. I kept saying to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection" - but she did.
February 1, 201115 yr A Bikers story of assisted suicide! > A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. > > > > The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" > > > > > "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says. > > > > While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?" > > > > So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. > > > > After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous > > > Why are you committing suicide?" > > > > > "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......" > >
February 3, 201115 yr One of the lads found THIS It covers most everything, clear as mud! Spot on The first part regarding UK/GB/England still catches many people out when they fill in their visa waiver form to go on holiday Bloody trumped up colonies..they've forgotten which language they're speaking I can see them in their cabals chuntering away:''..what have the English ever done for us,anyway?..''
February 4, 201115 yr All quite simple really. Simples ass, I had another look! There are islands off the english coast that are not even part of GB? And other crap spread about that I have vever heard of? Never seen a mention of SA? Of course, I do not understand just how we have military bases in Cuba, either? I think we have a couple of outlying colonies as well.
February 4, 201115 yr Never seen a mention of SA? SA's kind of complicated too. It was the second of the crown colonies to break away (the US being the first). At the end of the boer war a govt consisting of both boers and English speakers was established. This new Union of South Africa being an amalgam of the two boer republics (Transvaal and Orange Free State) and the two crown colonies (Cape colony and Natal). This govt was answerable to the crown through it's representative the governor. The crown only ceased to be head of state in SA when SA withdrew from the commonwealth in 1961 when it became a republic. So like India, SA is a former colony with no legal ties to the crown, whereas Aus, NZ and Canada still have the crown as head of state. Of course, I do not understand just how we have military bases in Cuba, either? I think we have a couple of outlying colonies as well. Isn't Puerto Rico sort of a state of the US?
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