December 30, 201015 yr Not sure if he got the Sarah Jessica Parker joke! I am still waiting to see one of them vuvusela's(sp)!!!! SJP - Horse face - get it now. Thanks
January 1, 201115 yr Start the year as we mean to go on..... A Muslim Fundamentalist suicide bomber does his bit for the cause and finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohamed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohamed?' he asks. 'No, my son. I am St Peter. Mohamed is higher up and he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohamed should be higher than Peter he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohamed? 'No, I am Moses. Mohamed is higher still. Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohamed? 'No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohamed higher up. Mohamed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: 'Are you Mohamed?' he gasps, as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing. 'No, my son....I am God. But you look exhausted, Would you like a coffee?' 'Yes, please, my Lord' God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: 'Hey, Mohamed, two coffees!
January 2, 201115 yr Start the year as we mean to go on..... A Muslim Fundamentalist suicide bomber does his bit for the cause and finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohamed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohamed?' he asks. 'No, my son. I am St Peter. Mohamed is higher up and he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohamed should be higher than Peter he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohamed? 'No, I am Moses. Mohamed is higher still. Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohamed? 'No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohamed higher up. Mohamed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: 'Are you Mohamed?' he gasps, as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing. 'No, my son....I am God. But you look exhausted, Would you like a coffee?' 'Yes, please, my Lord' God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: 'Hey, Mohamed, two coffees! Seems some just do not get it! Pity! Edited January 2, 201115 yr by copemech
January 5, 201115 yr Police in Liverpool last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2,000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin,
January 6, 201115 yr While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the Melbourne, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.' The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.' The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.' The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.' The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.' The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My Australian doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!' The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid Australian docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!' Oh, Thank God!' the man replies 'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'
January 8, 201115 yr For those of you who might enjoy a bit of history, nostalgia, and modern technology that boggles the mind! For the rest of us, there is nothing like a good show every day of the week, lawn chair and beer! My link
January 8, 201115 yr For those of you who might enjoy a bit of history, nostalgia, and modern technology that boggles the mind! For the rest of us, there is nothing like a good show every day of the week, lawn chair and beer! My link :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: : :wub: :wub: Cheers Cope,you should have posted this up by itself,it's no joke,it's serious I got a P51 from the kids for Xmas,not the real deal of course just a 1/72 model of 'Daddy's Girl' but hey I'm working on it...just another 71 to go then I've got a full sized one..is that how it works? Edited January 8, 201115 yr by HAM2
January 8, 201115 yr John walks into the pub to see his mate Ian looking a bit miffed, What's wrong asks john It's the wife she has gone nuts. She just flies off the handle at the smallest things, replied Ian Ah gypsy week is it? Enquires John Gypsy week?? What's that?? Asks Ian. Well if you put your hand down her pants will you get your palm red.
January 9, 201115 yr :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: : :wub: :wub: Cheers Cope,you should have posted this up by itself,it's no joke,it's serious I got a P51 from the kids for Xmas,not the real deal of course just a 1/72 model of 'Daddy's Girl' but hey I'm working on it...just another 71 to go then I've got a full sized one..is that how it works? Next time you go to Florida, go in first of April, as Sun-N-Fun week is on in Lakeland. Maybe only 1/2 the event of Oshkosh, with only 5000 planes there, but still an airshow every day of the weel ant lots of warbirds and everything else. Think I have been about 5 times, including 3 consecutive years of taking the small Cessna from Texas to FL(about 1200 miles each way as I recall) for the week, which rivals making it to the Scottish, yet without the riding, just the beer! I am due to go back!
January 10, 201115 yr John walks into the pub to see his mate Ian looking a bit miffed, What's wrong asks john It's the wife she has gone nuts. She just flies off the handle at the smallest things, replied Ian Ah gypsy week is it? Enquires John Gypsy week?? What's that?? Asks Ian. Well if you put your hand down her pants will you get your palm red. It's called 'Moon Bike' round here..you know; on 'er lunar cycle!! Edited January 10, 201115 yr by HAM2
January 10, 201115 yr Next time you go to Florida, go in first of April, as Sun-N-Fun week is on in Lakeland. Maybe only 1/2 the event of Oshkosh, with only 5000 planes there, but still an airshow every day of the weel ant lots of warbirds and everything else. Think I have been about 5 times, including 3 consecutive years of taking the small Cessna from Texas to FL(about 1200 miles each way as I recall) for the week, which rivals making it to the Scottish, yet without the riding, just the beer! I am due to go back! Only 5000 ?!...you lucky b******. What's the nearest we have?... ...Maybe the Sunderland Air Show = 5h1te weather(last years was cancelled due to fog),5h1te location,5h1te people ( the biggest abusers of the English language) :wall:5h1te, I say 5h1te. Do not even lift a finger to google it, you will wish you spent the energy on picking your nose or something. Did I mention that you're a lucky b****** Wayne
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