the addict Posted January 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) Me and the wife are having a clear out so we're selling our dogging stuff on Ebay, no bids yet but we've got 71 watchers. Edited January 12, 2016 by the addict 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted January 16, 2016 Report Share Posted January 16, 2016 The latest toy has hit the shops... a talking Muslim doll. Nobody knows what it says, because no one has the balls to pull the cord. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 Well played. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 19, 2016 Report Share Posted January 19, 2016 Please ensure all guns are safely stowed in your seat pockets before takeoff. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2016 A female bodybuilder goes to the doctor and says "doctor, ive taken so many steroids I've grown a penis"Doctor asks "anabolic"?Lady says "no,, just a penis" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Some ****er is spreading rumours on facebook that I'm a schizophrenic.Well, 3 can play at that game! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Schizophrenia - together I can beat it 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I invade her privacy too often.At least that what it says in her diary. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Baz was in the pub having a beer with his mates and he said:My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night, I explained to her I was looking for cheap flights."I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed andWe had great sex ......Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before.. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 Baz was in the pub having a beer with his mates and he said: My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night, I explained to her I was looking for cheap flights. "I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed and We had great sex ...... Which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before.. I know what flites are, that is funny! I was in dart league for a number of years. Cost me a small fortune in beer, lost wages from missed work, and a trip to jail for driving home at 3 AM. Dart board is in my shed today! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael_t Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 Good reason to take up trials riding - LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 22, 2016 Report Share Posted January 22, 2016 A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him that's the last thing I need. I have a fear of speed bumps.......I’m slowly getting over it. "I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his neighbour. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle""Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbour. "What are you thinking of doing about it?""Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!" My wife and I had a huge row last night she called me gullible and financially irresponsible,I can't wait to she her face when I tell her that I have just won the Nigerian lottery. Went to the pub last night and saw a fat woman dancin' on a table.I said ''Great legs''.She giggled and said ''Thanks,do ya really think so?''I said ''Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now!'' After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.” "Any two-watt bulbs?""For what?""That'll do. I'll take two.""Two what?""I thought you didn't have any.""Any what?""Yes, please." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 I've always thought I looked a bit like George Clooney so wasn't surprised when this lady came up to me the other day and said... Is that really you George ?I thought I would play along so I said Yep honey it sure is.She said...I thought so, how is Mildred!!.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 25, 2016 Report Share Posted January 25, 2016 Paddy says to Murphy; 'We're gonna be rich, I've been on the rob'. Murphy says; 'Why, wotcha nicked?' Paddy replies; 'Dozens of house paintings, one of them alone is worth £180,000'. Murphy says: Ah, you daft get, you've been stealing from the estate agents haven't you?' 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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