July 1, 201016 yr A man visits a brothel one night looking for a good time. The madam asks him what he would like he says " I want total humiliation " The madam tells him that will be
July 1, 201016 yr ADULTS ONLY ..........(just trying to get off the England theme ) A man and wife are about to have sex for the 1st time ever, on their honeymoon but the wife is frantically searching for an excuse to hide the fact that she was secretly on the game for 20 yrs prior to meeting her new hubby. To explain the slack-ness of her foof she lied: ''When I was younger,I was crossing a field and I caught it on a fence''. After 15 mins of trying to consummate the marriage the gasping husband said: ''Just exactly how far across this field did you get before you realised it was snagged????''
July 3, 201016 yr Have you heard that there are now two man made things that can be seen from space? The Great Wall of China and the hole in the England defence. Illusionist David Blaine is heartbroken that the record he got for doing nothing in a box for 42 days has just been beaten by Wayne Rooney. Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, 'Can you manage dear?' To which the old lady replied: 'No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out.' What's the difference between England goalkeeper Rob Green's spill and BP's spill? Robert Green has got a cap for his. Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said England's performance on Saturday was completely appalling. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years. What's the difference between Cinderella and the England football team? Cinderella got to the ball The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today.
July 3, 201016 yr All future england matches have been moved to the gay adult channel. Apparently the sight of 11 a***holes getting hammered for 90 minutes is far to explicit for normal tv.
July 3, 201016 yr All future england matches have been moved to the gay adult channel. Apparently the sight of 11 a***holes getting hammered for 90 minutes is far to explicit for normal tv. You missed out: ''...getting p155ed on for 90 minutes...''
July 3, 201016 yr You missed out: ''...getting p155ed on for 90 minutes...'' Whatever floats your boat Wayne.
July 3, 201016 yr Whatever floats your boat Wayne. Shhh..My missus just thinks that the water bed springs a leak in the middle of the night??!!
July 3, 201016 yr Shhh..My missus just thinks that the water bed springs a leak in the middle of the night??!! What do you say to explain the white color? water bed is filled with curdled milk?
July 4, 201016 yr Always take a glass of milk to bed,just as a cover story...oops! spilled it again (full cream milk of course)
July 5, 201016 yr Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!'... ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was Embarrassing... I just couldn't get an erection.' The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get up onto the bed.'
July 7, 201016 yr Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms.The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!'... ALL NIGHT LONG. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was Embarrassing... I just couldn't get an erection.' The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't get up onto the bed.' My God, I just did the math on all this and at 11.5 stone, I can only count to four (pints) without the same effect!
July 7, 201016 yr An Arabic family were considering putting their grandfather Abdullah into a nursing home. But as all the Arabic facilities were completely full they had to put him in an Australian home. After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit grandpa Abdullah ... How do you like it here? asks the grandson. It's Great! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful says grandpa ... We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone else ... Oh no! Let me tell you about how respectful they treat the residents says Abdullah with a big smile .. There's a musician in here... he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ... 'The Maestro' There is a judge in here ... he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ... 'Your Honor' There's a dentist here ... he's 90 years old who hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him ... 'The Doctor' As for me ...I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me ... The F #% king Arab ' '
July 8, 201016 yr "What is your name?" asked the teacher. "Mohammed". "You are in America now and from now on your name will be Kevin," replied the teacher. Mohammed returned home after school and his mother asked: "How was your day, Mohammed?" "My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Kevin." "Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" - and she beat him. Then she called his father who also beat him. The next day Mohammed returned to school and when his teacher saw all the bruises, she asked, "What happened to you little Kevin"? "Well ma'am, shortly after becoming an American, I was attacked by two fu--in' Arabs.."
July 10, 201016 yr Women!..they've got no sense of humour have they? I replaced one of my wife's tampons for a party-popper....... and she hit the roof! Irish police believe they have uncovered a mass grave of dead snow-men. On further inspection it turns out that it was just a field of carrots. I got banned from the local mosque this week just because..well you know when they all bend over to pray...well, I just can't help it, I love leap-frog, me! Fostered a Mackem kid today,it was great, all 4 cans hit him smack in the face Don't you just hate it when the bog roll tears and your finger pops through ! Never liked that job in that care-home anyway. Edited July 10, 201016 yr by HAM2
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