Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[gizza5]

1. Rumour has it that the floods in Pakistan were started by a suicide plumber.

2. There's a new curry been brought out in aid of the Pakistani flood disaster victims. It's a chicken bury auntie, served with nan dead and poppa gone.

3. The BNP have donated 6000 crocodiles to the Pakistani flood appeal.

4. The Queen has sent a letter of condolence to the Pakistani president. She wanted to mention that Britain has plenty of spare pakis if they want some back.

5. I bet little Mohammed isn't having to walk 3 miles fetch water now! I think I'll ask for my

[the addict]

1. Rumour has it that the floods in Pakistan were started by a suicide plumber.

2. There's a new curry been brought out in aid of the Pakistani flood disaster victims. It's a chicken bury auntie, served with nan dead and poppa gone.

3. The BNP have donated 6000 crocodiles to the Pakistani flood appeal.

4. The Queen has sent a letter of condolence to the Pakistani president. She wanted to mention that Britain has plenty of spare pakis if they want some back.

5. I bet little Mohammed isn't having to walk 3 miles fetch water now! I think I'll ask for my

[slapshot 3]

and more.....

During the recent election hustings David Cameron promised he would everything possible to help flush the Taliban out of Pakistan.......

Not feckin hanging around our Dave is he!!

[houseape1000]

3 men sat around the waiting room in a maternity hospital.....Englishman, Welshman, and a Pakistani...the midwife comes in and announces " there seems to have been a mix up...we took all three newborns into the same room, seconds after being delivered, and, well.....we forgot to label them and now were not sure whos is whos !

So, after a while they hatch a plan as to how to sort it out.

They decide that they should take turns to just go in and get one.

The Englishman decides to go in first, then walks back out with what is quite clearly the Pakistani baby, whos father seems horrified......" why ? " he asks.

The Englishman says " Listen mate, one of those two in there is Welsh, I'm not takin any ***kin chances ! "

( Nicked from the Edinburgh comedy fest on BBC3 - Simon Evans )

[the addict]

3 men sat around the waiting room in a maternity hospital.....Englishman, Welshman, and a Pakistani...the midwife comes in and announces " there seems to have been a mix up...we took all three newborns into the same room, seconds after being delivered, and, well.....we forgot to label them and now were not sure whos is whos !

So, after a while they hatch a plan as to how to sort it out.

They decide that they should take turns to just go in and get one.

The Englishman decides to go in first, then walks back out with what is quite clearly the Pakistani baby, whos father seems horrified......" why ? " he asks.

The Englishman says " Listen mate, one of those two in there is Welsh, I'm not takin any ***kin chances ! "

( Nicked from the Edinburgh comedy fest on BBC3 - Simon Evans )

[copemech]

Gizza, some bloody crackers there mate

He's Back! See what you started!

[copemech]

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer.

It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent all your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... Fag.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed.

And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Kitty Kitty Belle, come to daddy, snookums!' Yep, you're queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs , crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pig's feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. Pumpkin is not a color. If you think so, you are a fruit, just like the damned pumpkin And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

[toofasttim]

Classic Copey.

[ham2]

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

.....or picking your nose...so much more satisfying when driving.

I was in my car ,stuck at traffic lights once, rumaging around my nostrils when I noticed the car alongside me (full of tottie) were making fun of me by mimicking my actions...well they quickly stopped laughing when I flicked it and it splattered on their side-window...what a shot.

Yes, I know I'm a class act

[ham2]

SICK JOKE !

Hyper sick :-

My mate's really p***

Edited September 5, 2010 by HAM2

[copemech]

Ham, will you please pull my finger!

[zippy]

Ham,

Would you please smell my finger

[gizza5]

A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the St Andrews golf course.

A groundskeeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's ****e an pish!'

The golfer replies: 'My Good fellow, I'm from England . Could you repeat that for me, in English!?'

The keeper replies: 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!

[slapshot 3]

Sir Alex decided to throw an 80's themed party for the United team,

Paul Scholes turned up in a Vauxhall Cavalier

Ryan Giggs turned up in an Austin Allegro

Wayne Rooney came in an Escort

[zippy]

Sir Alex decided to throw an 80's themed party for the United team,

Wayne Rooney came in an Escort

Is that a prostitute joke??