September 11, 201015 yr Is that a prostitute joke?? Zippy, we had 6 Marks of a vehicle named 'Escort' over here for many years but the magazine of the same name was far more interesting+++WIKI ++ I thought it was the owners 'hand-book'..
September 11, 201015 yr Zippy, we had 6 Marks of a vehicle named 'Escort' over here for many years but the magazine of the same name was far more interesting+++WIKI ++ I thought it was the owners 'hand-book'.. Yep definitely a hand book
September 12, 201015 yr Another reason to love bike people.......................................... Johnstown, PA, USA - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials. "Something just went wrong,
September 12, 201015 yr The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have something to praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible trials riding wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
September 12, 201015 yr Jack Ass Trailerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8oniAukLG8 A comedy basic...but that hand!!
September 13, 201015 yr My nephews wife actually said this today! She asked her husband if the local 24hr TESCO is open till late ! Doh!
September 15, 201015 yr A man walks into a pharmacy and asks " Where's the Tampax?" "Over there" points the assistant The man returns to the counter with cotton wool balls and toilet paper "Thought you wanted tampax" ask the assistant "Yeah well last week i asked the wife to buy me a 20 pack of fags and she came back with a pouch of tobacco, so we'll see how she likes rolling her own!"
September 15, 201015 yr Author A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm. "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" says the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says. By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down. The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I see her wun awound
September 15, 201015 yr A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm."I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" says the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says. By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down. The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I see her wun awound ... ... What have George Michael and the Chilean miners got in common? They will all be free in 8 weeks after some heavy drilling !
September 16, 201015 yr Met a girl in the park..... There was an instant spark between us..... She fell at my feet and as i s****ed her i thought these taser guns are well worth the money!
September 17, 201015 yr George Michaels comback single will be a tribute to his new cell mate. hairless fister will be released next week
September 17, 201015 yr A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What the hell was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your trouser pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. His wife replied. . . . 'Your horse phoned'
September 17, 201015 yr Ever wondered where the term "D**KHEAD" came from? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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