spen

http://www.carlsalter.com/classic-bike-service-manuals.asp

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife: 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.. 7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. And last, but not least: 12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. To test this theory: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

Last CRMC meeting of 2016....

I bumped into an old mate today. He said, "What you up to these days?" I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, alcoholics and down 'n' outs." He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?" I said, "No, I'm a chef at Wetherspoons."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he stated. I am concerned that these individual obsessions are going to impact your children. To the first mother, Mary, he said: You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy. He turned to the second Mum, Ann, Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank. He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, Whisky He then turned to the fourth Mum June: Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne and Poppy. At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered: Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Grab Fanny and Willy, we're going.

Might be something of use on here.... http://www.carlsalter.com/gasgas-service-manuals.asp

http://www.luckytv.nl/time-of-my-life/

Less than a hundred? I need your autograph.....

Nothing wrong with being 'crap at trials' as you say, as long as you enjoy it.

Paddy takes an ancient and tatty looking stuffed dog along to the Antiques Roadshow... The presenter asks, "... do you know what that would fetch in good condition"? Paddy replies, "Sticks"

I think they went into 'receivership' and are no more....

.......

ALERT: TRUMP could destroy the local economies Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands and moving elsewhere - showing their outrage with Donald Trump's proposed law of sending illegal immigrants back to their native countries. In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ, south of Phoenix, Manuel Renaldo is one of those who are vowing to punish Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his stolen car with his taxpayer-furnished belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter: "It's a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal!" The effects of the exodus are already being felt by some Arizona retailers, who are reporting dwindling thefts and sales of beer, tequila, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits. State welfare agencies are preparing to lay off staffs that distribute food stamps and unemployment benefits. Tattoo parlours are in an absolute state of panic! Renaldo told a reporter, through an interpreter, that he and his family are moving to Canada, with a new Liberal government under Justin Trudeau and new higher taxes, hardworking people will better support him and his family with dignity!

"You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery. She asked, "But how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that before after having their tonsils out."

I’ve never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.... For example…One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but then she said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she said the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day, I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, high-end department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. But, I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She appeared to be almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear; let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman. " And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either…

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills." Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. "Our nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet." The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?" "It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon."

Enjoyed that, thanks.

I've got clothes older than you, Si, and still have a go. Wonderful way to have fun.

'Ere y'go.....

Until he tries to sit down.... you can't even sit down between sections!! I notice a few aftermarket 'seat' type things are being sold now for the modern bikes and saw a new Gas Gas with a factory fitted 'seat' on from new. It was uglier than a blind cobbler's thumb....

Yep, this 'modern' stuff allows me to still do things I was struggling with on the old bikes, but I'm not tempted to give up 'real bikes' yet......

I know somebody had stolen the seat, probably why my neighbour gave it me......

I thought most of the improvements were sticker kits.......

As on old chap, born in the 1950's, I was brought up on twin shock trials bikes. I've got a few bikes, 1970's OSSA's, a 1980's OSSA a '72 Montesa, a '71 Bultaco and a '58 Greeves Scottish. My neighbour gave me a 2001 Gas Gas TXT280 last week and I took it to my practice ground yesterday. Good grief, it weighs very little, power on demand, slows down when you pull the right hand lever towards you, the levers on my twin shocks are mainly for decoration, I think.... have bikes improved since this one was made in 2001? If they have they must ride themselves, no pilot required.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TcEsauMtKoc Home inventions.....