pa.

My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald. I'm not really bothered, . . . . it's hair loss.

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Neigh.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feck'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE. ... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.. 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET.... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Feck dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his feck'n hengliding!'

Hello! Gordon's pizza? No sir it's Google's pizza. So it's a wrong number? Sorry No sir, Google bought it. OK. Take my order please Well sir, you want the usual?" The usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage, thick crust. OK! This is it ... May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.? What? I hate vegetables. Your cholesterol is not good, sir." How do you know? We crossed the number of your fixed line ☎with your name, through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years. Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine ... "Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network. I bought more from another drugstore. It's not showing on your credit card statement I paid in cash But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement I have have other source of cash This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source. WHAT THE HELL? "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.❤❤❤ Enough! I'm sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me "I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 6 weeks ago.

When you need to go...

Racism Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The assistant replied, "Because this is a Motorbike shop."

Fact: Dogs can't operate an MRI machine. Cats can.

When a feminist asked me recently, "How do you view Lesbian relationships?" Apparently, "Preferably in 4K Ultra HD" was NOT the answer she was looking for.

This morning I was beaten up by a well endowed woman in the lift. I was trying not to stare at her tits but then she said "would you please press one" So I did. I don't remember much after that.

For most parts the owners manual from 08 will be fine. Here is a list of the manuals I have on my site. http://www.trialsport.com.au/beta/documents.htm 2004 Frame parts link, http://www.trialsport.com.au/beta/Manuals/2004/rev3_2t_04_200-250-270cc_frame.pdf 2004 Engine parts link, http://www.trialsport.com.au/beta/Manuals/2004/rev3_2t_04_200-250-270cc_engine.pdf

Don't mess with Chuck Norris.

He is most likely a frustrated photocopier repairer.

I say the dam video is fake.

Seems legit.

They wanted to check the caliber of the child first.

No, it's Jean-Claude Van Dam.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Don't know, don't care....

The teenage girl brings her new boyfriend over to meet her folks. Her mother says hello and asks him his name, and he says, "Christopher Motherf***er C*cksu***r Flanagan." After a long, uncomfortable silence, the mother says soothingly to him, "Oh - Connie didn't tell us you had Tourette's." The boy says, "I don't - but the SOB who baptised me, did."