pa.

There was a spider in our lounge room and I was just about to wack it when my wife said, "Don't kill it, take the spider out!" So I took it to the club and we had a few beers and then played the pokies. I really like the spider, he is a good guy and excellent company. On the way home he told me that his ambition is to be a web designer.

A Sparky (and#39;Electrician', the Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 50th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, “Congratulations, son... we've been waiting a long time for you.” Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Sparky (and#39;Electrician', the Royalty of all Trades) sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, “Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a Sparky, the Royalty of all Trades?” “Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. “We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old. God himself wants to see you.” The Sparky (and#39;Electrician', the Royalty of all Trades) is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says “Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be fifty.” “That's simply impossible, son,” says Saint Peter, “We've added up all your time sheets.”

I went to the timber yard and this guy approached me and said, Do you want decking? so I hit him first.

Some call it Foreplay.

As this is a possibility do not do any gardening or next Autumn new growths may appear.

Then came the movie.

If I had to summarize myself in one word it would be, "Doesn't follow instructions."

Pro tip.

The toilet, but my aim is getting better.

After extensive market research I am releasing a new product.

Like this.

The 250 shown does not have an added flywheel weight.

I thought Andy drove a Subaru.

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!" "Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Hmm, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. "I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my ass." "So, did you jump?" "Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed on to the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, Boy, are you gonna jump or not? I said, No, sir. I'm too scared. So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this baby up where the sun doesn't shine." "So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, a little, at first."

A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him that's the last thing I need. I have a fear of speed bumps.......I’m slowly getting over it. "I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his neighbour. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle" "Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbour. "What are you thinking of doing about it?" "Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!" My wife and I had a huge row last night she called me gullible and financially irresponsible, I can't wait to she her face when I tell her that I have just won the Nigerian lottery. Went to the pub last night and saw a fat woman dancin' on a table. I said ''Great legs''. She giggled and said ''Thanks,do ya really think so?'' I said ''Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now!'' After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.” "Any two-watt bulbs?" "For what?" "That'll do. I'll take two." "Two what?" "I thought you didn't have any." "Any what?" "Yes, please."

Please ensure all guns are safely stowed in your seat pockets before takeoff.

Well played.

The wife and I have just been to the cinema to see that new film Suffragette. Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration. Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park we rushed in and caught the credits...

The side entry airbox was in both 2000 and 2001. Upside down forks could be ordered on 2001 models but I expect very few were. Fitting 2001 plastics to 2000 year bikes was popular. I expect your bike is a 2000 with 2001 plastics.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

Use the spare one on the left.