thespikeyone Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my stockings." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 A nursery teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" .A little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher replies, "Sorry Jane, but the sky can also be grey, or red." A little boy says, "Trees are definitely green." "Sorry" interrupts the teacher, "But in the Autumn, the trees are brown." Little Billy from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says, "Billy! of course not!!!" "Okay then I definitely **** my pants." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 Even though you don't want to,you have to look closer to see the trick of the light 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 lol, I didnt notice that untill I read it, so obvious once pointed out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 I just wonder if Ham has tracked her(him) down on the Facebook yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 SEX INSURANCE.................... SEX with your wife Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 I was on a train earlier sitting opposite a gorgeous Thai lady. I kept saying to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection" - but she did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 21, 2011 Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 Barack Obama doing his Bill Clinton impersonation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 A Bikers story of assisted suicide! > A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. > > > > The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" > > > > > "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says. > > > > While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?" > > > > So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. > > > > After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous > > > Why are you committing suicide?" > > > > > "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......" > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 One of the lads found THIS It covers most everything, clear as mud! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 All quite simple really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 One of the lads found THIS It covers most everything, clear as mud! Spot on The first part regarding UK/GB/England still catches many people out when they fill in their visa waiver form to go on holiday Bloody trumped up colonies..they've forgotten which language they're speaking I can see them in their cabals chuntering away:''..what have the English ever done for us,anyway?..'' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 All quite simple really. Simples ass, I had another look! There are islands off the english coast that are not even part of GB? And other crap spread about that I have vever heard of? Never seen a mention of SA? Of course, I do not understand just how we have military bases in Cuba, either? I think we have a couple of outlying colonies as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Never seen a mention of SA? SA's kind of complicated too. It was the second of the crown colonies to break away (the US being the first). At the end of the boer war a govt consisting of both boers and English speakers was established. This new Union of South Africa being an amalgam of the two boer republics (Transvaal and Orange Free State) and the two crown colonies (Cape colony and Natal). This govt was answerable to the crown through it's representative the governor. The crown only ceased to be head of state in SA when SA withdrew from the commonwealth in 1961 when it became a republic. So like India, SA is a former colony with no legal ties to the crown, whereas Aus, NZ and Canada still have the crown as head of state. Of course, I do not understand just how we have military bases in Cuba, either? I think we have a couple of outlying colonies as well. Isn't Puerto Rico sort of a state of the US? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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