Banana Bread Recipe

Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes

2 Loving Arms

2 Well Shaped Legs

2 Firm Milk Containers

1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl

2 Large Nuts

1 Large Banana

Directions:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.

2. Fold in Loving Arms.

3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.

4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check

frequently with middle finger.

5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.

6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief. Cake done when Banana becomes soft.

Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

Edited November 15, 201213 yr by purplebeast

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible", she replied. "Are they moving?"

"Not sure, to be honest", I said, "but that would explain the suitcase"

Wong chow calls into work and says 'I no come work today, I really sick. got head ache stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says , 'you know something, Wong chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work....... You try that.'

2 hours later Wong chow calls again.

'I do what you say and I feel great...... I be at work soon.... You got nice house.'

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man said, "Well, Doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

"Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

"Then I asked my wife for help.

"She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.

"She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

"We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. And she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit. She even tried squeezin' it between her knees. But still nothing."

Shocked, the doctor said, "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

* * * * *

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

When you're from the country, your perception is a little different.

A farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your Dad or your mum home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and

mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your

brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for

the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Final Exam for The Sensitivity Course For Men

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You always time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss Fox Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affection for her.

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.

C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to an entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results:

If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.

If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

If you answered C more than 7 times, you're a healthy average male.

I saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I shagged a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?

Been my motto since I got the new bifocals!

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible", she replied. "Are they moving?"

"Not sure, to be honest", I said, "but that would explain the suitcase"

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible", she replied. "Are they moving?"

"Not sure, to be honest", I said, "but that would explain the suitcase"

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible", she replied. "Are they moving?"

"Not sure, to be honest", I said, "but that would explain the suitcase"

Mr. Addict you hold the award for the same joke retold, this time only six posts apart

He was drunk! Ur no, I was drunk, found it funny twice!

Mr. Addict you hold the award for the same joke retold, this time only six posts apart

Hmmm, bollox, must read back abit next time, how are all you lads?

As mighty fine, welcome back Dr. Frankenstein, have you just dropped in to see this monster that you created...ooh new smiley...can't resist

Wayne

Feckenstein more likely. Where is Dirty Donna? Hope you been well lad! Cheers to you and yours.