August 21, 201214 yr Back to jokes...(thank you Edinburgh fringe):- ...I'll tell you who gives kids a bad name these days? Posh and Becks. I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...but I don't know why.
August 22, 201214 yr The top ten jokes chosen this year are as follows: 1. Stewart Francis – “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." 2. Tim Vine – “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. ” 3. Will Marsh – “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.” 4. Rob Beckett – “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” 5. Chris Turner – “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why.” 6. Tim Vine – “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.” 7. George Ryegold – “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating." 8. Stewart Francis – “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” 9. Lou Sanders – “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.” 10. Nish Kumar – “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn’t fancy her chances.” Edited August 22, 201214 yr by atomant
August 22, 201214 yr A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
August 22, 201214 yr Hey Mark Of course it did confuse you, your a Texan.......... The alphabet has 26 letters and he is only good friends with 25 of them. DUH............. Edited August 22, 201214 yr by billyt
August 23, 201214 yr Hey Mark Of course it did confuse you, your a Texan.......... The alphabet has 26 letters and he is only good friends with 25 of them. DUH............. He said "Back to jokes" --- it was not funny---! Niether are you, Salmon! O- now THAST is funny!
August 27, 201214 yr Police have reported that with further observation, it turns out the lion in Essex is just a snow leopard with a spray tan and hair extensions.
August 31, 201213 yr A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because over the years they'd become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon. "I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"! The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself." The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. . . . . . . . "That's from a man in the burns unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."
September 2, 201213 yr You b4r5t4rd I was eating when I viewed that I've just got over that picture of that bloke with a bike in a bath !
September 2, 201213 yr I've just got over that picture of that bloke with a bike in a bath ! At least that was "clean" humor.
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.