March 12, 201214 yr After getting all of the Popes luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," says the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Cop: "Bigger." Chief: "Governor?" Cop: "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" Cop: "I think it's God!" Chief: "What makes you think it's God?" Cop: "He's got the ******* Pope as a chauffeur!!"
March 13, 201214 yr The guy in this website searches for online ads to mess with people and carries a hilarious email exchange. Some of the ones I like best are: http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84 http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=53 http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=101 http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=104
March 13, 201214 yr A guy in a bar was about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home." His wife asks, " Where's his wheelchair?" Edited March 13, 201214 yr by joekarter
March 13, 201214 yr The guy in this website searches for online ads to mess with people and carries a hilarious email exchange. Some of the ones I like best are: http://dontevenreply...iew.php?post=84 http://dontevenreply...iew.php?post=53 http://dontevenreply...ew.php?post=101 http://dontevenreply...ew.php?post=104 :popcorn:Very good..cheers for sharing them. Wayne P.S. I'm a bit worried that the guy who placed the first advert for 'concealed weapons' might be Copey .......''Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action''....... Edited March 13, 201214 yr by HAM2
March 14, 201214 yr :popcorn:Very good..cheers for sharing them. Wayne P.S. I'm a bit worried that the guy who placed the first advert for 'concealed weapons' might be Copey .......''Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action''....... You are joking, right? I prefer weapons in stainless steel! I am lazy and just want to spray them with WD and toss them away till next time.
March 22, 201214 yr Ex-President Bush, decides to leave the Ranch and go out to sit in a local Crawford bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?' The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?' Bush says, 'I'm planning WWIII.' The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?' Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs. The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?' Bush turns to the bartender and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a .... about the 140 million Muslims'.
March 25, 201214 yr An 86-year-old pilot goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, "John everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" John replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof* the light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls John's wife. "Marianne, he says, John is doing fine but I just had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof* the light goes off?" "OH MY GOD!" Marianne exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!!!!"
March 28, 201214 yr An Arab gets in a taxi.......... Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ....... So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door. The Arab asks him: "What are you doing man?" The cabby answers: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so pi$$ off and wait for the next camel." Edited March 28, 201214 yr by Slapshot 3
March 28, 201214 yr Did you hear of the Dutchman who designed the blow up shoe? He popped his clogs. ---------------------------------- Got chucked out the pub quiz the other night the question that I answered, obviously wrong, was "Where do women have the curliest hair? The answer was, apparently, Fiji...
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