the addict

A dwarf couple who work in a circus are expecting a baby. They go to the hospital for the check up. The doctor says, "Everything is fine. Tell me, what do you want a boy or a girl?" The guy replies, "Well, we don't really give a **** as long as it fits in a cannon!

An Irishman drinks at the pub until they close. He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Outside, he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house, crawls up the stairs and pulls himself into bed. The next morning, his wife stands over him shouting, "So, you've been out boozing again!..." "What makes you say that?" he asks, putting on an innocent face. "The pub called -- you left your ****in wheelchair there again."

A maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well Senora, there are three reasons I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than I?" Maria: "Your husband said so."... Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did." SHE GOT THE RAISE:)

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Welcome to Flight AA0093, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... JESUS CHRIST...! OH, MY GOOD GOD !' A Long Silence followed..! Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry i...f I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants..!' One Irish passenger yelled... 'For ****'s sake ....... you should see the back of mine!!..

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at... this time of night?" Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today."~

Modern Technology I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. ... 'We don't waste money on papers.' 'Here, you can borrow my iPad.' I can tell you, that ****in fly never knew what hit it

2 nuns are waiting in their car at the traffic lights, when a car pulls up next to them. "Oi,get your tits out penguin" shouts one of the lads. Sister Nancy turns to Sister Clare, "I don't think they know who we are, just show them your cross" So Sister Clare hangs out the window and shouts, "**** off you little ***** before i give you a ******* slap!"

little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!" The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The c...ouple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of the little old lady. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of her. He took a sip of the drink, and then she took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple." As the old man began to eat his french fries, one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a thing...she just sat there watching him eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered.... the teeth!!..

Haha, I like this one, I think Ham2 will as well lol Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. ... $10.00 a pill answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill." The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00." "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

When I was young I used to have an imaginary friend, now I'm on facebook I have 2319!!..

The wife says, if she finds me on a porn site again, she`ll bang my head against the ****ing keyboarcchhjjdd fhurbbghjbhasdfjkluvng gggdtjksfnjkqwetyrb!w...

A fat drunk lass stood up on a table in the pub I was in earlier and shouted"IF YOU CAN GUESS MY WEIGHT YOU CAN SHAG ME!". A guy at the back shouted back"ABOUT 93 STONE YOU FAT,UGLY COW!". She replied "that's close enough for me you lucky *******".........

Paddy is sunbathing on a nude beach in spain, out of manners and to prevent sunburn, he kept a hat over is bits !!! a woman walks past sniggering and says if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat.. Paddy replies if you werent so ****ing ugly, it would lift itself!!!!!!!!!!!

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, And every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' ; Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars' One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fift...y dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Paddy's wife gavebirth to triplets!!"How in gods name did that happen says Paddy ??"His wife replies.Remenber the night i was dry and we had no vaseline so i used 3 in 1 oil??!"Holy Jaysus says Paddy,im ****ing glad we didn't use WD40!.

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted “The milky bars are on me” everyone ****in cheered

The Mrs has jus come into the living room wearing a little pvc number, fishnets and high heels, has handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best' I can't wait I ****in love Shepherd's Pie

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? ...The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You're in that basket up there."

Try putting it into 2nd or third gear and rock it back and forth a few times in gear, it will suck fuel in and may start easier, I've always started 2 strokes like this.

Thanks for posting, why did the guy in the third video bail out early?

Before Inspector Ham2 points it out boss, I refer you to post number 1976.

It might be a floating disc so its meant to move about, bvm moto should help, site supporter on here

Spot on that, the new 4rt rims on the standard bike wont keep them inflated, mine came off the rim just riding around, X Lights now with no probs, shame.

Make sure the idle is quite high, I'm not sure what it needs to be but probably higher than most think. I'm sure you could get a lighting kit for the 4rt as standard, it may not illuminate like the ktm (a road bike) but it would make you legal if you're caught out on the road. As you have already hinted though, you are using a trials bike for another discipline, I wouldn't ride a trial on a KTM, maybe the Beta Alp would be a better option?

?