slapshot 3

Nah....there are far better lubricant's out there....

Knew the title would get you wondering... VASELINE A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?' She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.' 'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?' 'We use it for sex.' The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?' We put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.'

If it's similar to the Beta master cylinder (highly likely, they are all fairly similar) push the piston in and remove the circlip at the bottom. All the seals springs etc should come out as a stack, replace them in order, push the piston all the way back in, refit the circlip and that should do it. Only comment is that if you have even a tiny score on the barrel of the master cylinder you'll get very similar symptoms as you initially described the cylinder kit WILL NOT solve this problem, sometimes just as easy to change the cylinder

Which covers about 90% of us on here.....

Yup, came from a Yank Book......

These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court stenographers who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS : July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Telepathy......

Nice one mate

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian...and I think I love you..." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions! The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very SEXY nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions ... please call the pet store.' So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!' The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says: NOW LISTEN TO ME FROG!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?" The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?" The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

looks pretty amazing Mark

Pat's injured mate, have a look in the world Championship thread, more info in there

Yeah, why do you think there was that big problem with Northern Rock last year....Big John's subs were due again.....lloyds TSB/ HBOS...Global Financial Collapse...I'll leave you to make up your own minds....

I am led to believe that said ar$e belongs to a certain Mr Raga ( why does ar$e spring to mind again.) Mrs Slapshot and Highland Lassie have had a long email discussion on this topic in the past .... women

Might help if YOU get the dates right......

The teacher gave her primary three class some homework: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved. But then teacher realised, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share? 'Yes miss. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. 'She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whisky on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.' 'Good Heavens' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story? Wait for it...... 'Stay the f**k away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'

Don't have any problems with that, for a clubman a well set up Beta engine is brilliant to ride. If the Evo is as easy to ride as the Rev 3 we'll be laughing

Hoggle, your post was moved in to the Mechanical talk Forum, I've merged the two and put it back into Mechanical Talk. There are other thread of that nature there if you want to run back through the threads.

Left side kickstart is not a problem after your first couple of runs on a Beta

Hell of a ride from young Challenor today

Sitting looking at a pic of my Rev 3 on the desktop and a pic of the Evo. Evo is right it certainly breaks new ground in design the same as the Zero, Techno and Rev 3 did at the time. The first iteration of any bike is always a bit "WTF" but it's a Beta and is guaranteed to sell shedloads. As usual Beta have got the marketing spot on, we've been discussing it here for weeks. Couple of criticisms, expansion chamber will look like sh!t after a few trials and the ignition module looks scarily easy to damage, no FI is disappointing and why go to a dogbone linkage after all the years of linkless suspension can only assume they are looking at improving performance at the top level and this might be a way of doing it, graphics could be a bit more dynamic. However, It looks really light and the 290 is certain to have some serious grunt. On the whole I think Beta have worked the magic yet again. I'd have one in a minute but the bank manager said no as soon as she saw me looking at it last night .....

So we can expect pics by 1630 GMT ....

MC, We're just following your lead mate...

....Only you could turn a big mac into smut......

Haven't seen a full set but I'm sure Sean McKay won the Champs class.

Good stuff Bill, Donald