December 21, 200916 yr for a comedian he was a great magician and for a magician he was a great comedian!! R.I.P. Tommy.Wayne Ditto that he made comedy look really easy
December 21, 200916 yr John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' its vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and screamed at the parrot. The parrot screamed back. John shook the parrot and it got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely sorry for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very softly: "May I ask what the turkey did that was so wrong?"
December 21, 200916 yr I think Ian may have started a new era on the Kenny thread of crap jokes, do your best lads couple of pages will be plenty, finishes Boxing Day though after the crackers have been read Yeah. They were pretty lame but there are some classics in this genre.... as Gizza5 has shown from the great TC
December 22, 200916 yr Copey, to us Brits that comment is funnier than some of these Kenny jokes He must be on Wiki, for a comedian he was a great magician and for a magician he was a great comedian!! R.I.P. Tommy. Wayne That is funny stuff! In a way it reminds me of Red Skelton's slapstick! Red could usually allways keep a straight face! Untill! It does seem ironic in a way, as it does seem that everyone we grew up with are dead now. Oh well, my best to all, and wish you all a Merry Christmas. It is after all, a time to remember. Here is a bit to honor Red, they mentioned 70 years! Edited December 22, 200916 yr by copemech
December 22, 200916 yr A recent survey found that six out of seven dwarfs were not............................. happy Is there a prize for the worst joke.............Do I win?
December 22, 200916 yr Author A recent survey found that six out of seven dwarfs were not............................. happy Is there a prize for the worst joke.............Do I win? Gizza I thought that one was quite good mate, had a little chuckle, not long though, wait till you pull some crackers on the day mate I ran into the back of a Mondeo this morning in the snow, dwarf gets out and shouts "I aint ****ing Happy" I shouted back "Which ****ing one are you then?" Edited December 22, 200916 yr by The Addict
December 22, 200916 yr Gizza I thought that one was quite good mate, had a little chuckle, not long though, wait till you pull some crackers on the day mateI ran into the back of a Mondeo this morning in the snow, dwarf gets out and shouts "I aint ****ing Happy" I shouted back "Which ****ing one are you then?" Snow Wite was feeling Grumpy......................................Lucky Buggar
December 22, 200916 yr Author Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, Edited December 22, 200916 yr by The Addict
December 22, 200916 yr I got interviewed last week by a very nice young lady, she said "whats your house like ?" I said "I've got a semi" which would have been fine, but then I showed it to her..... NOT ME NOT ME it was Jimmy Carr seen as its christmas can we put my joke back up about the aussie breakfast quiz ??
December 22, 200916 yr Author haha that was a great one the aussie joke, maybe Santa Andy could deliver it back for xmas only mate
December 22, 200916 yr More Jimmy Carr.. My girlfriend used to get upset because I left the toilet seat up. So, I don't do that anymore; I put it down. But there's no winning with her. Now she gets annoyed because it's covered in p*55! When does Sadam Hussein have his supper? When Tariq Aziz! Why did H kill himself? Because G had My own... The Mackem kids next door have challenged me to a water fight so I thought I'd type this message while my kettle boiled! Edited December 22, 200916 yr by HAM2
December 23, 200916 yr One for Tony27: a bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand & orders a shandy all the kiwis sitting around the bar look up expecting to see another ozzie vistor the bartender says,"you aint from around here are ya?" the bloke replies,"no,i'm from Canada" the bartender says,"Canada!,do you do in Canada?" the guy says,"i'm a taxidermist" the bartenders says,"tixidermist!,what the hick is a tixidermist?,do you drive a tixi?" "no" says the Canadian,"a taxidermist dosen't drive a taxi,he mounts animals!" the bartender grins & yells out! "he's ok boys,he's one of us!!"
December 23, 200916 yr One for Tony27:a bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand & orders a shandy all the kiwis sitting around the bar look up expecting to see another ozzie vistor the bartender says,"you aint from around here are ya?" the bloke replies,"no,i'm from Canada" the bartender says,"Canada!,do you do in Canada?" the guy says,"i'm a taxidermist" the bartenders says,"tixidermist!,what the hick is a tixidermist?,do you drive a tixi?" "no" says the Canadian,"a taxidermist dosen't drive a taxi,he mounts animals!" the bartender grins & yells out! "he's ok boys,he's one of us!!" Good one! Merry Christmas to you, Kiwi! Edited December 23, 200916 yr by copemech
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