A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development. She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.

A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, 'You're perfectly healthy--there' s no problem. But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?'

The woman stammers, 'Why, Yes, but how did you know?'

'Tell him his earrings aren't real gold.'

Well Atom started with the dirty jokes? might just get away with this?

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the

bathroom floor tiles.

Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and

suction-cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!"

Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said.

"S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast

girl! I'll go across the road and get Cobber (his mate)."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we can't do

it, "Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."

"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"

"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles

under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play

with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?," Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for

that, mate!"

"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can

slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive."

Well Atom started with the dirty jokes? might just get away with this?

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the

bathroom floor tiles.

Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and

suction-cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!"

Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said.

"S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast

girl! I'll go across the road and get Cobber (his mate)."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we can't do

it, "Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B."

"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"

"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles

under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play

with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?," Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for

that, mate!"

"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can

slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive."

I saw that one a while back thought it abit risky for here Atom this must be the worst it gets mate

Im not great a jokes but here goes

A man comes home to find his wife looking through the internet at breast enlargements, there's a much cheaper option he says just try rubbing toilet paper between your breasts.

do you think that will work she replies excitedly

well he says its worked wonders on your a**e

Im not great a jokes but here goes

A man comes home to find his wife looking through the internet at breast enlargements, there's a much cheaper option he says just try rubbing toilet paper between your breasts.

do you think that will work she replies excitedly

well he says its worked wonders on your a**e

keep um coming Tim

12 of the finest double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

__________________

My missus slipped and fell in the shower ,landing on all fours...She screamed at me to come and help her up 'cos she said she was 'paralysed!' and couldn't move.

I told her not to be so stupid, she was just kneeling on her t1t5.

Edited January 25, 201016 yr by HAM2

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

I've heard this loads of times and it still makes me chuckle

12 of the finest double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

Add one: Oval Test 1976, England -v- West Indies, Brian Johnston - referring to Michael Holding and Peter Willey, "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

Edited January 26, 201016 yr by copemech

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

erm....Copey, does your wife know you're putting swimsuit shots of your daughter on here...

i think its about time the jokes stop an we stuck to pictures only

3 old girls are sitting in a park when a flasher jumps out

2 of them immediately have a stroke

the last one could'nt quite reach

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

Didn't think much of the joke, but the picture was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning. I approve of that, most definitely

Didn't think much of the joke, but the picture was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning. I approve of that, most definitely

Christ Andy!!!!!! for gawd sake don't encourage him, be like Razzle/Readers Wives Xmas Special when you get up tomorrow morning now

Edited January 26, 201016 yr by The Addict