March 21, 201016 yr Some bloke at a bus stop earlier hit me on the legs with a stick for no reason. Naturally, I retaliated and beat the living **** out of him. Just for good measure, I kicked his Labrador as well.
March 22, 201016 yr When I was a young man my father told me I will be able to tell which is the right woman for me, I will feel she's special and she will be "The One" Sure enough I met a woman and felt something special and she was "The One" Now after 25 years of marraige, 3 kids and many sleeples nights because of her snoring I still call her "The One" ITS JUST NOW ITS MARKS OUT OF TEN
March 22, 201016 yr Author Pakistani man on his death bed. "Sanjita,my wife, are you here?" "Yes,my husband" "My sons and daughter, are you both here?" "Yes, papa we are here" "My nephews and nieces, are you all here" "Yes we are all here" "Cousins, are you all here" "Yes we are all here" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Then who's manning the f*****g shop?" Edited March 22, 201016 yr by The Addict
March 23, 201016 yr Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshire man: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."Vet: "Is it a tom?"Yorkshire man: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us." *A Yorkshire man
March 24, 201016 yr My Thai bride says I have a big c*ck. Sorry, I forgot my punctuation. My Thai bride says, "I have a big c*ck".
March 24, 201016 yr My Thai bride says I have a big c*ck.Sorry, I forgot my punctuation. My Thai bride says, "I have a big c*ck". ;) I've told you before, don't buy the cheapest one in the catalogue. But does ''Ting-Tong Maka-Dan-Dan luv you wery much''
March 24, 201016 yr Today I bought myself a new pair of sensible walking boots and a little rucksack . I went for a five mile walk in the lake district.I then stopped and rested on a dry stone wall for a while and had a lovely cup of coffee from my thermos flask . I then walked another five miles and had a chocolate biscuit. I then. . . . . .Oh ! sorry I'm rambling. ------------------------------------------- A Jewish Rabbi went to a multi-faith conference and became really friendly with an Irish Roman-catholic preist. On their last evening they were having a char rogether over a parting drink when the Priest said "You know Rabbi, one thing I've never been able to understand is your refusal to eat pork. I'm sure you must have been tempted, so, strictly between us, have you ever eaten pork?" The Rabbi replied "Well, as its just us, I must admit that I did once eat some roast pork with apple sauce and all the trimmings. it was good, but I've managerd to resist the temptation since... But Father, while we're talking about the rules of our religions, I've never really understood your insistence on Celibacy! So, again just between us, have you ever.. you know... been with a girl?" The priest looked round to make sure that no-one was listening and then said "Well, Rabbi, as its only us here I have to confess that I was once fond of a young lady and we spant the night in bed together..." A wide grin spread over the Rabbi's face "Ah... It's better than pork isn't it?" --------------------------------------- Two owls are sat having a beer in a pub. One turns to the other and says, "By the way, I got married last week". The second one says, "You twit, to who?"
March 24, 201016 yr One for Hamdeux My missus sadly passed away yesterday and I never even got to say goodbye. It was made even more poignant by the fact she drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.
March 25, 201016 yr A U.S.Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!" "And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us....
March 25, 201016 yr My Thai bride says I have a big c*ck.Sorry, I forgot my punctuation. My Thai bride says, "I have a big c*ck". I'll bet that was a nasty shock
March 26, 201016 yr An Irishman goes to the vets and says "my Goldfish has got epilepsy" The vet looks at the fish and says "it looks calm enough to me" Paddy says " I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet"
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