gizza5

So the next generation model was at the Telford Show over the weekend! Did all of you that looked at it have to sign the ''official secret act''? because it is very quiet? Or was it that good you want to keep stum so you beat the rush and you can get your hands on the first batch

.......and come on don't sit on the fence! just say it as you saw it?

There was an English man, an Irish man and a Scots man at a bar. The English man says "I went into me daughters bedroom the other day and found a packet of fags" then says "the thing is I didn't realised she smoked" The Scots man then says "I had a similar experience; I went into my daughters bedroom and found a bottle of vodka" he says "the thing is I didn't realise she drank" The Irish man then said "The same thing happened to me; I went into my daughters bedroom and found a packet of condoms" he then says "The thing is I didn't realise she had a pen1s."

On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper: " Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person" The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs. She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?" The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"

I know my 4RT has all the gadgets, but I don't think it has a USB Port?

Bought Mine a New bag and belt? Vaccum cleaner is now working a treat?

The soldiers in Afghanistan have been informed about the people of the country and how to address them? Some have been addresing them as 'Rag-Heads' Some have been addressing them as 'Towel-Heads' A local informant has corrected them and told the soldiers this is not a 'Rag' or a 'Towel'............. It's a 'Sheet' !!

I reckon if you change the throttle body it will sort it

That's buggar all we had 1'' and the whole bloody country came to a stand still this Winter............

Weather so far this year over here you may be needing that come May?

A teacher in Detroit, Michigan Kindergarten class asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a ''PIG'' makes? Little Tyrone stood up and said......................... ''Up against the wall Mother F*cker'' Guess they don't have a lot of farms in Detroit?

Think that is why most of us go out on a Sunday so that statement sums it up.

Two routes last year and the entry wasn't full !!!! with the Novagars going No Stop this year the entry is full ???? so maybe it is the no stop rule tht is attracting them? The No Stop rule has been talked to 'death' but the proof is surely what the majoritory of riders prefer and what the clubs do to get full entries?? We all know what happened to the SSDT the fact that the trial reverted back to the No Stop rule which turned it from a trial that was struggling for entries in the 90's to being for many years over subscribed, even in 2010 with the economy the way it is, many other trials are using the No Stop rules and have very healthy entries Is it right for WTC, BTC that discussion will go on but you are only catering for a handfull of riders that all of us can only watch and admire. The rest of the trials National down to club level use the rules that the riders want and it seems to me from looking at entries that it is slightly easier sections and the No Stop rule. Back to the Colmore, I have ridden it for many years but decided not to for the past couple of years because it has not been an enjoyable experience a lot of 5's and the rest pushing your way through the sections for a 3.................and I hate the MUD Went to watch last year and the clubby route was good and rideable, this combined with the No Stop and I would have definately put an entry in, next year when I am fit again it will be back in my diary.....................this year I will pop along a laugh and barrack ''The Addict''

Thanks for the replies will dig an old tyre out for my mate and throw it on..................that''ll bring back some memories.

You from ''Yorkshire Blood'' Thanks

Right done the search and I am sure it has been asked before, but will a Tubeless tyre fit on a Tube type rim (Bultaco). I will be using a tube and the security bolt? Long time since I had a bike with tubes in the rear (SSDT boys have got it so easy now), I am collecting a Bultaco for one of my friends and tasked to help him. As I have some half decent tyres in the garage where i have nipped the side wall I was wondering if they would do the trick? As this Bultaco has been in a garage for over 20 years without turning a wheel, I wonder what rubber it will have on?? I am guessing a Pirrelli, we will see?

A chemists walked back into his shop after visiting the bank to find a man, leaning against the door looking very worried. The chemist asked his assistant what was wrong with the man, she replied "He came in for some cough syrup but we have run out so I gave him a box of laxatives". "You fool" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives". "Yes you can" she said, "Look at him, he daren't cough now"

Your a funny guy HAM? Here's one I don't think has been posted before................... A HAM Sandwich goes into a bar and ask for a pint of beer? Barman says ''We don't serve food in here''

Hmmmm? Mont riders are idiots, well been called worse I suppose Ridden about everything in the SSDT and by far the easiest across the moors has been the Montesa, good suspension, 4 stroke motor that pulls and one big plus was hardly ever changing gear, on the 2 strokes you are always up and down the gearbox, its amazing what the Mont will do in 4th from slow to scary

Totally agree all I would say is that if you are considering changing the gearing do it now!! then you will be used to it before the SSDT. I have altered gearing on the 2-strokes and stuck with the same for the SSDT. ...............or buy a Mont every section in 1st and go like hell on the road

Mr Ham after 438 posts people have a little bit of trouble remembering every single one, as you are of the more intellectual type pehaps you could list below the repeats and then we can all be good enough not to re-post to keep you amused While on the subject of repeats ........................is there a problem with the Beta Stator? What tyre pressures do I run at? What are the best boots? Stop or No stop? What the best trials bike? What riding gear is best? All of these we value your opinion so pop over there and moderate the forums and from time to time come back to ''Kenny'' and tell us the error of our ways................................talking of repeats I beleive you have told us off twice now Tut Tut ???

Reminds me of a Polar Bear Joke................ This baby polar bear was sat with his mum on an ice berg. "Mum," he asked, "am I a real polar bear?" "Yes darling, of course you are." his mother answered. "Yeah but, am I a proper polar bear, you know, a real one?" "Yes dear," his mum replied, "You're dad is a polar bear, I'm a polar bear and your sister's a polar bear." "I know that mum," he said, "but am I a proper polar bear?" "Of course you are" said his mum, "now shut up and eat your penguin." A minute later the baby polar bear asks "Mum, I know what you've said, but am I really a proper polar bear?" "Look," she says, "you are a proper bloody polar bear alright. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep asking me that?" . . . . "Well," he replies, "I'm f**king freezing" ------------------------------------------------------------ Brave!

Bloody hell bet he was shocked

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY !!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... ****************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station. And then the fight started... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My Goodness!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ****************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....