gizza5

This fellow got it a bit wrong at ''Forest Gate'' on the slab of the lower section as you can see:D Sorry Perce

Your on a roll tonight I was laughing at the indoor rules, then this Quality

Worst places to dab................ Left boot top step at Trotters Right boot Witches ................and any bloody boot on that Sheep Track on Saturday

Some more.......... I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her bl**dy appendix out!" I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a sh*t." A man goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe the symptoms to me" "Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy buggar and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!!" I passed a man driving an RAC van tonight, he was sobbing uncontrollably and as misarable as sin - I thought to myself, that mans heading for a breakdown

This is bad but 'Kenny' goes on..................................... Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.' A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted' Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal. 'Where's Kristian?' he asked. 'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.' Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.' Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..'......... 'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'

blokes go on a hunting trip. Their tents only have room for two men in each. No one wanted to sleep in the same tent as Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair for just one of them share with Daryl the whole time, so they decided to take turns. The first bloke to sleep in Daryl's tent comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot. His mates ask, 'Crikey, what happened?' He answers, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.' The next night it was a different bloke's turn. The following morning, same thing, his hair is all standing up and his eyes are bloodshot. His mates ask, 'Gees, what happened to you? You look awful!' He says, 'Bloody Daryl shakes the roof. I just sat and watched him all night, I couldn't sleep.' The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big, burly, ex-footballer; a man's man. The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 'Good morning,' he says cheerfully. His mates can't believe it. They ask, 'Blimey, what happened?' Frank says, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night." "Then he sat up and watched me all night. "

Oh I will have to try that The Addict is knicking my tank early Sunday morning before the trial to try, plus taking my bike up there to swap any other parts if that don't work. Looks like I will be all day Saturday marking all parts to make sure I get the correct ones back

Might be the plug, you have probably already eliminated this, but if not put a new one in or it could be the tickover set too low if it runs ok off tickover? I know we don't spend a lot of money on spares for the 4RT's so when your not used to opening your wallet it comes as a bit of a shock

A couple more fom the old archives..................... Why do women get married in White? Because it is the same colour as the Dishwasher, Washing Machine and Fridge ---------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have short feet? So they can stand closer to the sink ---------------------------------------------------------------- I await my slating from HL

Old one but good................................ An American journalist decided to write a book about famous churches around the world, so he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Rome . On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. Intrigued by this, the American asked a nearby priest what the telephone was for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk direct to God. The American thanked the priest and went on his way. Next stop was in Moscow . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Rome , and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American. He then travelled to France , Israel , Germany and Brazil . In every Church he saw the same golden telephone with a '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American finally decided to travel to the UK to see if the British had the same phone. He arrived in Yorkshire and, again, in York Minster, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '20p per call'. Surprised at this, the American asked a passing Bishop. 'Excuse me, Father, but I've travelled all over world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price is $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?' The priest smiled wryly and answered, 'You're in Yorkshire now lad - it's only a local call.'

A chap walks into ''The Newly Appionted Montesa Dealership''. He browses around, spots the new 2010 Montesa Cota 4RT in all its glory and walks over to inspect it. As he bends over to feel the fine gleaming shiny bits and the quality of such a machine, he inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, he looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed his little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up, as the aroma was immediately quite pungent. As he turns around, his worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind him. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the guy with, "Good day, sir. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of his little 'accident', he asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely motorcycle?" . . . . . . He answers, "Sir, if you farted just touching it, you're going to Sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!"

Dial up connection probably

Here!

Found these pictures thought I would share. Number 12 is Awsome Some Dakar Photo's

Ice Road Drivers Was it any of our Scottish TC members? What really anmuses me is the ''Police Accident'' are they expecting more traffic so they can warn the drivers?

It seems that a long standing TC member has been missing for a while our buddy ''Kinell''. Now for those of you who don't know he was last seen during the SSDT missing a turning and disappearing into the hills? Well I have found him!, after running out of petrol and sleeping rough for a few months he decided sell his Beta make his way to ''OBAN'' to purchase this boat then get home to Lancashire? Now the daft buggar has taken another wrong turn and ended up here in the Midlands!! he plans to make it to the SSDT I hear but in this old barge he needs to set off early, he plans to tie up on the wall next to park ferme. Wish you luck Brian

Big John over to you !!!!

My Geography isn't that good.....................Is that Iceland?

I did click all of them to see what happened

What about Easy out?

At the G20 summit, Barack Obama and the British prime minister are being shown a computer simulation called 'Time Machine' which can supposedly predict the economy and society trends of the future. Both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barack goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years time?" The machine whirs and beeps then gives him a printout, "The country is still in good hands under the Democrats, crime is down, there is little world conflict, the economy is healthy.There are no worries." Mr Brown thinks "That's not a bad prediction, but I'm sure mine will top that." so he asks, "What will Britain be like in 50 years time?" The machine gives the same whirs and beeps, then ejects a printout. He looks at it, turns it around a few times, then shakes his head. "Come on," laughs Barack, "What does it say" Mr Brown replies, "No idea.................................................................. it's in Arabic!"

Eh !!!!????? lets hope they don't get hold of the outdoor rules, as we will definately be knackered then!!!!!

We had a Pool van at work and that was round our local garage at least once a month, because the lads had filled it up with unleaded! One thing is that the petrol can attack the seals in the fuel pump, then your talking

Well done to Dibsta, nice to see a Brit back on the podium Gas the ''Destroyer'' melted the ice in the car park with his tears, shame!!!!

Man goes to pick up his wife from hospital when he's confronted by the doctor Doctor says 'Have some bad news, your wifes terminal but we don't know whether its aids or alzheimer's, the tests seem to be inaccurate' Man says 'Oh my god what do I do then?' Doctor 'Take her in the car and drop her off 4 miles away from home' Man 'Whats that going to prove?' Doctor 'If she comes home, don't S**g her!!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife needs to loose some weight, so I told her to jog 3 miles a day? Hopefully by the end of the week she will be 21 miles away