perce

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols."

http://www.autoebid.com/ work your price out from here then ring round dealers, set your figure where you will go to & stick to it, then haggle haggle haggle with them, sooner or later if you are patient someone will sell you the car at your money. Last 3 new or nearly motors I've bought have been nearly trade price & top dollar trade, just be patient & a dealer will bite.

We mostly do it on Skype then her tourettes typing doesn't upset too many folk.

Was she jealous?

You obviously don't have memory of last years christmas party do you?

It'll be Ok as I'm sure Sandy will have sent one in for Gizza. I've had to do the same for Ishy & Kinnel, the soft buggers.

or BBC bitabloodycommonsense

lol Wouldn't they be Frenchmen living in the Hartlepool region? I wonder if many from outside the North East get that one.

So you jumped in the car to drive how far? Then bought an inner tube for how much? BUY A BEEDER YOU TIGHT ****

No ****** ever works at them, they're only there to catch speeders.

MEMO To: All cat lovers From: A concerned friend Subj: How to wash the cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet and remove the thing that makes the water blue. 2. Add an appropriate amount of shampoo, based upon the size of the cat, to the toilet water. Leave both lids up. 3. Retrieve the cat and soothe him/her as you carry him/her towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and immediately close both lids. NOTE: You may need to stand on the lid. CAUTION: Do not allow any part of your body to come too close to the edge of the toilet, as claws will be reaching for anything they can find. 5. Wait while the cat self-agitates, making ample suds. NOTE: Disregard the noises coming from your toilet. The cat does actually enjoy this. 6. Flush the toilet three or four times to provide a "power-wash" and "rinse," which is quite effective. 7. Have someone open a door to the outside and ensure that there are no people or other living things between the toilet and the outside world. 8. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. Consider using a towel or belt from a bathrobe to lift the lids. (See "CAUTION" on item number 4.) 9. The cat will fly from the toilet, and run outside where he will thoroughly dry himself with no further assistance. Good luck. This really does work! Sincerely, The Dog

Mustn't be half bad as I understand you go for quantity

I think you might say I live in a conservative stronghold. Richmond

Have you bought the BrokeBack Mountain version?

Considering the current Labour government make Edward Heath's tories look like looneys from the far left, I think you're blowing it out of your a*** again Dabster.

speak for your own lack of talents & stamina, my jiggy jiggy is working just fine.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lancaster-Manual-R...2449&sr=1-4 Well I'm buying the book but has anybody got a restoration project to sell me?

Slaphot liked sitting in the dark 3 days out of every 4.

That sounds the thoughts of a man of experience.

he's not allowed to tell you

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' 'Ralph, for the FIFTH ******* time, CHICKEN!'

They may be upgrading the system or summat. Our broadband was ***** a few weeks back, it was poor between the time the kids came home & about 10 o'clock, overloaded? It's right again now.

It has been tried but with limited success, there are actually very few sections which lend themselves to sponsorship due to locations. More of a priority is the funding of a new set of riding bibs as ours are now well past their sell by dates.

Good, I now hope my mate Dennis becomes an enthusiast again & wants to ride round Scotland at some time in the future.