gizza5

After signing for a new football club, my manager said to me, "In the first game, I'll be pulling you off at half time." I said, "Cheers boss! We used to just get an orange at my last club......."

What is a Tire? Just got back from 3 weeks in the States I now understand

Too scared to post anything now did not know our spelling would be checked? Back to the petrol leak! Is the carb syphoning out of the overflow pipes aka Beta? The easy fix in this was to cut a hole half way down each of the overflows!

Dear Problem Page, I am a sailor in the British Navy. My parents live in a suburb of Birmingham and one of my sisters, who lives in Solihul, is married to a guy from Manchester. My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Moss side. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Strangeways, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other is currently being held in the local remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Burton - Upon - Trent and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with a sexually transmitted disease. We intend to marry as soon as possible, and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiance utilising her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team, although I would prefer them not to continue to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets, and hopefully, the heroin. My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Scotsman?

Wasn't there but it seems man made stuff has to be made to take marks at most WTC venues and for the spectators this can be spectacular better than riders pushing through mud as some have suggested.....Twin shocks are no more!! The modern trials machine is exceptional and Joe Clubman awaits each year for the next improvement and some too have suggested that we should make the bikes less progressive......that ain't gonna happen. Well done the Brits in all classes, but Mr Bou is in a class on his own and I congratulate him on his WTC this year in 2016 and 2017, 2018, 2019 would you bet against it??

On the BBC website I read with interest that scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish ever known to exist. They've obviously never been to the bloody chippy round the corner from me!

A laid back monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past, looks up,and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing? The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint and chillin'. Come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they smoke a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to the river to get a drink. The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river to get a drink of water, but he is so stoned, he leans over too far and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side. Then he asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out, and wanders off into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint. The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey. You !!" The monkey looks down and says, "Jesus Christ .....Dude! How much water did you drink?!"

Jack says to Mick, I'm getting circumcised tomorrow. Mick said "I had that done when I was a baby" "Does it hurt Mick?" asked Jack. Mick says, "well I couldn't walk for 18 months!!"

The England team visited an orphanage in France yesterday. "It's heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope" said Philippe, aged 6.

I just been to Tesco's with the wife,,,and out of the blue she says.... "You really are a lazy Bugger." Well I nearly fell out of the shopping trolley!!.

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband, "I must confess, darling, I used to be a hooker." He says, "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past but, I must admit, I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it." She replies, "Well, my name was Nigel and I played for Wigan Warriors."

Only resemblance to a 4 ride was the tank/seat unit bet underneath it was a standard 4rt or even something a bit factory special?You can see Honda's headlines now?

Where it all started back in 2008 Justin I salute you Posted 12 December 2008 - 08:13 PM This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicksbadly. So, he goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a rooster that they would sell. The other farmer says, 'Yes, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you've got, no problem.' Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the Farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. 'I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' the farmer said, with a chuckle. Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the night. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with Buzzards circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.' Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky above and says, 'Shut it, you're scarin the fanny away.

Just got back from Manchester Motorcycle Show and shocked to hear this sad news. I had the pleasure of riding near Martin in the SSDT on the Honda RTL and one of the best weeks I had up there. RIP Martin thoughts with all the family

Why don't you phone Gas Gas UK and ask, rather than get a divided city opinion on here?

Jack goes into work one Monday and says to his workmates, My Cousin dropped dead on Saturday, He was only 37, in perfect health, never smoked or drank, worked out everyday, he just dropped dead." His workmates said, "bloody hell, Jack, what happened?" . . Jack said, "His bloody parachute didn't open!"

Don't care what rules you ride but it is a 5 ?

Total shock to hear the passing of Mick Gallagher of M Sport Part of the friendly observing team at the SSDT, knowledge of Montesa and a genuine nice guy RIP buddy

Little Tommy had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked, "Grandma what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback but she decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse darling." Little Tommy said "Oh OK" and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily "Grandma it isn't called sexual intercourse, it's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you."

Britains backbone lost never to come back?

"Shirty Says"........knee is fine! Been a big fan of Michael just wondering how well he will do in the WTC apart from being a Gas Gas presence, sooner him win the SSDT he would be a popular winner?

MB's first competitive outing at the German indoor heard he got injured again, not good if true anyone got anymore info?

Five chuffing pages yet it's all about choice? Ride a Trial at the cost of whatever the organising club choose Practise Or sell up and put the money in the bank I just spent more than a trial entry on a Pizza for my tea gonna be a load of fun eating it problem is as stated it cost more and the fun will be over in less time than a trial? Tight burgers trials riders nowt changes ?

There once was an Apache Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! . . What is the moral of this story???? . . You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!