gizza5

You kidding its in the Midlands probably best placed for most to get to from all corners of the UK, any suggestions of where is better?

The Addict walks into a Montesa dealership he browses around, then spots the perfect 300RR and walks over to inspect it. As he bends over to feel the controls and lush suspension he unleashes a loud fart! Very embarrassed, he looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed his little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But as he turns back, sure enough, there standing next to him is a salesman. Good day sir how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, and to try and draw attention away from what he has just done, he asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely Montesa 300RR?" He answers, "Sir if you farted just touching it, you're going to **** yourself when you hear the price

Indoor or outdoor has very little impact on bike sales! Beta i imagine are the biggest seller in the UK for many reasons, but they don't have a rider at top level. Why did the Yam mono sell in bundles because it was clubby friendly!

Yamaha TY 250 mono the bike that changed trials?

The additive V1A9RA in the fuel makes the tanks swell for a period of time but it s not permanent

I am apparently from Great Britain, but this is slowly being taken away from us , but that is a whole different debate??

I believe Earls Shilton got some money from the ACU to purchase their first piece of land several years ago, they have just purchased an adjoining piece recently where they have sourced funding from another party and club finds combined. They are pro active in securing land for the future. That said the club is under the M69 motorway and noise pollution is never going to be an issue with the nearest house 1/2 a mile away. Purchase a piece of land within spitting distance of any property, right of way, ramblers rights etc. etc. then you will open a whole can of worms look what happened at Addingham Moorside? So taking into account the above I believe the ACU may be in a position to help, who would take any land purchase on?

Little Johnnys' parents had tried everything to help his maths grade: tutors, detention, Maths online, special learning centres, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school. The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Johnny was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back up to his room without a word and studied some more. This went on for weeks until Little Johnny proudly brought home his report card and showed it to his parents: An A in Maths! "Johnny! This is great! I'm so proud of you! Son. What was it? What helped motivate you? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy shook his head. "Well, then, was it the books? The discipline? The structure? The uniforms? What was it?" Little Johnny looked at her and said, "Well, Mum, it's like this. When I saw that guy out in the hallway almost naked and nailed to a plus sign, I knew they weren't messing around!"

Really? Biggest class in both these events is the over 40 class, possibly because they have the affordability? Kids growing up, stable job, bills getting paid, etc. etc. means that they can afford to do the SSDT.Not too many Mums & Dads paying for them, hang on ...................."DAD"

Money spent and weight saved on a modern pre 65 they are oceans apart

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins..... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine now. However, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately - your brother came in and named them. The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not me brother...he's a clueless idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well,what's my daughter's name?" "Denise," says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved. "Wow, that's a beautiful name. I guess I was wrong about my brother....I like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?" "Denephew"

A Pakistani goes into an Army recruitment office. "Can I help you?" asks the sergeant, with his eyebrows raised. "I want to join up, mate. You can't stop me or it's racism!" "I see.." replies the wily old Sarge, looking at his vacancy sheet. "Well, we do have an opening in the Catering Corps. All the British Army loves a curry, eh?" "You can't put me there, that's stereotyping!" "Ok.. what about a Quartermaster's private? We all need goods and supplies while we're fighting the enemy." "So you're putting me in a shop? More racial stereotyping! I want to do something of equal standing to white blokes." The sergeant, increasingly p****d off now, flips a page on his sheet. "Right. I suppose you want to drive an armoured personnel carrier? Something like that?" "Yeah! That's sounds good. What is it?" "Sort of like a taxi."

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gun wharf Quay. As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. 'You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?' he asked. 'Yes, I am.' replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. 'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me- if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'. The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation The girl came clean, 'I've stowed away to get to Australia . One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he's screwing me.' The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied, . . . 'He certainly is love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry .'

FROZEN CARBURETOR People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor... Last January, on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather. “What’s the matter? asked the Trooper. "Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply. "Pee on it. That'll thaw it out." "I can't," said the biker. "OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving. A few days later, the local State Troopers’ office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist. . . . It began: "On behalf of my daughter, Jill..."

Ask the Pre 65 brigade they know what is and what's not legal and if it ain't legal they will no doubt find a way, disguise, talk their way out of, distract, cover up any possibility of the legality?

Christ I know I am over 50, but the last two posts I even had to step back from the screen with my readers on?

http://www.classicbikeshows.com/event/the-classic-dirt-bike-show/

Sorry I got it wrong seems I'm not the only one?

Toni Bou is coming to look at our practice ground next week with a view to riding our next trial.............. As you might gather he isn't, but the sensible ones will get what I mean

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.' 'Without numbers?' The Irishman says, 'Dat is easy,' and proceeded to draw three trees. 'What's this?' the boss asked. 'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' said the Irishman. 'Fair enough,' said the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.' The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. 'Ere you go.' The boss scratched his head and said, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?' 'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.' The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.' The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go.. One hundred.' The boss looked at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!' The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, 'A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.' 'So, when do I start?'

They are probably best phoning Dadof2 save them a lot of time

This is quite bad................................. Mary Poppins was travelling home one evening, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from the menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary. "Certainly madam," he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. "Morning madam...sleep well?" "Yes, thank you," Mary replied. "Food to your liking?" "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, Shame about the eggs though....they really weren't nice at all," replied Mary. "Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book? We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist. "Ok I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who then checked out, paused awhile, then scribbled a comment into the book, and then left to continue her journey home. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to read her comment . . . . . . . . . "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!!!!"

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'Sir...There's no money in that account. ''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.’ Not All Seniors Are Senile...

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, Its not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the ****in' ship?"