slapshot 3

Git.......

Abso-bloody-lutey!!!!!

Didn't David Pye ride on a Fantic a year or so ago, can't remember.

There is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for the one part sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that." "When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it." "When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it." "When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40 years old, I asked for it." "When I was 50 years old, I paid for it." "When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it." "When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild. ---------------------------------------------------- In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

Virus Warning If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Cherie Blair," DO NOT open it.... It contains a nude photo of Cherie Blair. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Three men of the cloth, a priest, a minister and a rabbi, are discussing who could convert a new recruit. They decide to try out their skills in a forest. "Whoever converts a bear first, wins." They meet again, one week later. The priest says, "I found a bear, read the Catechism to him, sprinkled Holy Water, and two days later he took Communion." The minister says, "I found a bear, I read the Holy Scripture to him, we sang hymns, and the next day he was baptized and confirmed." They both see the rabbi, laying on a stretcher and covered in a body cast. "I suppose that I should not have started with the Barmitzvah ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up to apply for the position. One is a very fit, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her magnificent naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw hits the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies, "Hey, no problem, just get the damn lion out of the way."

Renault has launched a new Clio its called the

Help please chaps El Sprogo wants a pair of boots for chrimbo but being female and a bit odd obviously wants "coloured and Alpinestars" ie White!! Trouble is she has wee feet so can anyone suggest where we might be able to get our hands on Alpinestars No-Stop boots size three/four. Been through every site I can find on the web, all the site sponsors and advertisers but strugglin a bit, any help would be much appreciated Cheers Donald PS If you're a dealer, don't post it here I'd have to delete the post, pm me.

You'll mean this one John????

Alpinestars and sealskins..... sorted!!

BLONDE JOKE Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly", Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that going to help you get a man?" asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."

Why, do you have problems? I'm not the lightest of riders ( let's face it I'm a fat git) I have original Beta brackets on mine. put them back to shape the run some good heavy welds acrosst the bracket and gusset, should hold em steady. However I have seen some billet ones advertised, pricey mind but pretty.

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they

It didn't a few weeks back, sent Copey a link to something but it bombed him cos he was in Texas......

Okay, after 10 minutes navigating that miserable old fart I call Dad to the pics, his total response was as follows: "F**K me that's gorgeous"....... So that's it, it has to be amazing.

It looks fantastic, the innovation is superb. The big Husaberg enduro has the everse engine and the guy that rides reckons it's the smoothest bike he's ever ridden. As always till you see one in anger you don't know BUT lets be honest until we see one in the flesh it'll be another Xipsa. Where it differs is the innovation, the attention to detail and the fact that it looks absolutley stunning.

My bladder's in perfect nick mate, it's called night shift!!! finish in an hour

Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch. After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left. Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened? She replied, It was the best sex I ever had! Why? asked Farmer Brown. Well when he took off his pants it was only an inch long and as big around as my little finger, but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew to 16 inches, then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage. Farmer Brown said, Well sh$t, no wonder that *** was trying to rip my ears off.

Specially for Andy..... Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit." Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and find out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you" Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be French".

I wasn't a huge fan of Ossa's until they brought out the Grippers, they kind of too a big step forward in the way bikes looked and they've done it again, that looks fantastic and odd at the same time. I'll drool for a while further and think about it more.

Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of

Oil industry press.......

Sunoco is a US based oil and oils products company

Addict's right, if someone wants it they will pay it but yes that's just taking the p***!!!!

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

So.... do you lot need a proper Scotsman to come over and help???